Reputation - Taylor Swift (ALBUM REVIEW/RANT)

                              

Taylor Swift isn't one to usually surprise me, but with this one she DEFINITELY did!


So I've never been a huge fan of Taylor Swift. Didn't hate her or anything (never really truly bought into the whole "snake" meme, other pop stars have done WAY worse things then lying to Kanye West of all people), but I just never really listened to her. I heard middling things from her, as well as massive praise for 1989, which I don't really agree with. But after a large gap without releasing anything, including taking all her songs off Spotify and streaming services, Taylor is finally back with some new music for the white chicks to flock too! She threw a bunch of promotional singles at the wall to just amp the hype up as much as she could, all 4 I disliked on first listen, but as time went on and in the context of the album, I gotta say, they really grew on me! So with all that, I still went in with a really negative, biased mindset as I don't know Taylor that well, but I had a small feeling she'd kill it. And by god did she kill it!

...gosh you'd have to be either very gullible, very new, or dumber than this album to believe anything I just said


We all know T-Swizzle and her weird antics, but I'm not gonna focus on that. So many review sites will constantly bring up the drama Tay Tay somehow always gets herself into, but not me. I'll have to touch on it just a bit for some context later on, but I'm trying to focus on the music here. Because really, a majority of music fans will certainly act like they care about singers "artistic integrity" and how they react to situation, and how good people they are yadda yadda yadda, most people just want to hear some good fucking music. Being a good role model doesn't get you to stardom. But even focusing on the music, I can't say I'm at all a fan of Taylor Swift. I used to respect her as a country artist, her juvenile but fairly charming songwriting. Our Song, Picture to Burn, she wrote some great, fun songs. Then Red happened and I was confused. She was just...pop now? Like she was still somewhat pop before, but had enough country focus to get away with it and get radio on both. It was like what shitty country artists do now but a lot more genuine. Now with Red, she completely took away the country and replaced it with...some dubstep? But only sometimes? So then I thought "what in the fuck is Taylor doing?" After her release of 1989, we're back on board. I was somewhat confused by the another sudden change in sound, but it had this retro, throwback sort of feel because it was named 1989 and she was BORN in 1989 which is also why it's named 1989, and I like retro throwback pop music. So while I didn't totally understand the pivot, I supported it, and respected it.

Then the Kanye thing happened.

Now I don't want to get into it as I said earlier, I was truthful in THAT I'll admit. The last thing I want to talk about is Taylor Swift drama (althought I totally end up doing that, which is why this is labeled "Review/Rant". All I'm going to say is that Famous by Kanye West didn't kill Taylor Swift's career (it might've actually strengthened it beyond belief), but it certainly killed her sanity, because in 2017 she released Look What You Made Me Do, which was as clunky as it was embarrassing. I fucking LOATHED it. But even after that, I still tried to be hopeful. Maybe the lead single was the 1 dud on the album. 1989 had Bad Blood and I still liked that album, so I went into this with the highest faith in Taylor Swift as well as the lowest expectations possible. I WANTED to like this album. So, were people right? Do I get anything from this?


Man, you gotta be fucking insane to think I somehow enjoyed this shit.

I know the phrase "lost his/her mind" has lost nearly all impact it's ever had, but I think on a musical standpoint, Taylor Swift has definitely lost hers. She has absolutely NO fucking idea what she's doing on this album. I do not understand how this album sounds as bad as it does when she has a budget as big as hers. Some songs I understand like LWYMMD, which has a very dull, stilted, poorly produced chorus for effect, so I get concepts like that. What I DON'T get is all this bass boosting bullshit she's doing. ...Ready For It, Don't Blame Me, I Did Something Bad, too much of this album is ruined by Taylor wanting to sound like a basic Soundcloud rapper.

Speaking of that, can we fucking talk about how much she's rapping now? It used to just be a rarity, like 22 off Red, and Shake It Off off of 1989, and even then they were more cheerleader chant-esque than actual rapping. But no, half this album Taylor wants to start rapping, because this is the new Taylor, the "don't take no shit from anyone" Taylor. I'm sorry, I don't buy it. I bought cutesy country Taylor, I bought emotional sadgirl Taylor, I bought emotionally damaged Taylor, I even bought the mankiller psycho Taylor, a girl that's been crossed one too many times. I bought ALL of them, but my limit is definitely the "I'm a total savage" Taylor Swift. No, you fucking aren't. This rapping is just embarrassing. That's a word you'll hear me say a lot, embarrassing. T-Swizzle, let me make it abundantly clear: you are not Kesha. You are not Fergie. For fucks sake, you aren't even Cher Lloyd. The queen of pop divas has been upstaged by a female British rapper who's biggest claim to fame will go down as a song named "Swagger Jagger." Taylor you are pathetic.

But back to the production, it all sounds like it was knocked out 1st try with no quality control. Can we fucking talk about the drums on some of these songs? "King Of My Heart" would have been a decent pop song that sounds like a deepcut off 1989, but then the light gurgling bass pops in like a mutating disease that won't go away, along with this massive wall of loud as shit drums for no reason. People want to insult Power by Katy Perry for have too loud drums? This entire album does it tenfold. King Of My Heart, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, it's all fucking thrown on there because without them the tracks would sound "normal" and "competent" which Taylor doesn't want. She wants to be all edgy and different. Fuck off. There are songs here that I feel I liked quite a bit until your fetish for being different jizzed all over these good pop songs that were just too normal for you. Don't act like she doesn't know it either, because there are songs here that she placed here for people like me to enjoy. Dancing With Our Hands Tied is quite a bit of fun, albeit missing something to make it stick with you, and the final track New Year's Day is a genuinely sweet sounding song.

But overall the production is just a mess, even the vocal production falls flat on a lot of the songs. To be fair, I'd call it more hit or miss than "bad" per say, which is what I'd say about Taylor's performances on this in general. All the rapping she does is terrible no question about that, but most of her singing is good enough (I especially like her voice and vocal filter she had on Don't Blame Me), but there's a few songs where she just falls flat on her face, mostly due to these awful melodies she has to try and sing. Whoever got her to sing This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things must have been a Kanye stan in disguise, because she has never, EVER sounded worse. That is, until I got to I Did Something Bad, which is the 2nd worst Taylor has ever sounded, a VERY close second. That "RATATATATATATAATTA DEATH TRAP" post chorus makes her sound like a child, and a very untalented one at that. Another particularly awful vocal vomit comes in Swift Dress, which is yet again another alright song ruined by 1/a few abysmal aspects. She sounds like Ellie Goulding with her mouth frozen for the entire fucking time, and ear piercing on some of those high notes. But I guess to be completely, 100% fair, she does fine on a majority of these tracks she's singing on. Which translates to barely half of the album. Yikes.

But enough about all of that, fans of Taylor don't care as much about the things I listed, they care about her writing, what she's actually saying. This is where I decided the make it or break it point of this album would be. A surprising amount of my respect for 1989 was that even on the boring tracks, Taylor had enough of a charming, detailed pen to hook me in enough to enjoy it. This album does not have that, because as she likes to hit home, this is a new Taylor, which means sob stories and break ups are swapped out for what I presume Taylor thinks are savage lines. Because writing is somewhat important to a Taylor Swift album, I'm going to go track by track and say why nearly all of these are awful.

...Ready For It
Taylor Swift is trying to be a stone cold hearted savage. It's her mankiller shtick gone overboard. I'd argue these lines would have more punch if she doesn't trail off to get all cutesy and giggly, but they were basically fucked to begin with.

"But if he's a ghost, then I can be a phantom"

lame

"I see nothing better, I keep him forever
Like a vendetta-ta"

l a m e

"But if I'm a thief, then he can join the heist, and
We'll move to an island"

L A M E

You aren't cool Taylor Swift, no one will EVER think you're cool, no matter how you tried. I know you're under 30 but somehow you've already entered the "Mom trying to act cool and hip" phase, and it's not working.


End Game ft Future & Ed Sheeran
Taylor is telling this dude she wants to be this dude's "end game", it's just a love song how Taylor wants to be with this dude and never have her heartbroken. Which is fine, except for a couple problems, such as WHY ARE THERE 2 FUCKING MEN ON THIS TRACK?

At first I thought Ed Sheeran would do this wholesome bridge as a narrating sort of character to tie the narrative together as Taylor talks about this guy and Future takes the role of this guy. It'd be a tad cliche, as well as sounding like a awkward fan fiction, but that's not how the song is framed. Taylor talks about wanting to be with this 1 dude, and Future comes in saying he'll be that dude.

"You love it, I love it too, 'cause you my type (you my type)
You hold me down and I protect you with my life"

That's alright, that part makes sense.

...but then Ed just comes in? Talks about how he knew her when he was young, and how he knows Tay-Tay is just waiting for those 4 special words "Will you marry me?" so they can settle down and love life...but why are you here. Taylor doesn't talk about having to chose between 2 dudes, she seems pretty set on the 1 as far as I'm concerned. So either Future needs to fuck off, or Ed needs to fuck off, because with both of you here the song is clunky and doesn't make any fucking sense.

Then later of course, Taylor seizes her opportunity to take a jab at publications

"I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me"

Yeah, sure honey, YOU'RE the victim in all of this. I hope you cry on another one of your abandoned, dusty acoustic guitars.

I Did Something Bad
This one is so clearly about revenge against Kanye. Again, I don't want to get into it.

What I WILL get into is how hilarious this song is. I'm just gonna drop the whole chorus and leave it at that.

"They say I did something bad
Then why's it feel so good?
They say I did something bad
But why's it feel so good?
Most fun I ever had
And I'd do it over and over and over again if I could
It just felt so good, good"

Imagine being this fucking dense lol. Keep at it Taylor, if this sells you records, keep at it.


Don't Blame Me
It's just Your Love Is My Drug but not as fun and cheery. I'm fine with this one.


Look What You Made Me Do
Holy fucking shit. She actually released this one. It's been months and I still can't comprehend how she thought this was a good idea.

ok so this one has too much Kanye all over it for me NOT to bring it up, so sorry for that, but this line needs to be addressed

"How you laugh when you lie
You said the gun was mine"

Here she's saying that she's getting framed. How it's not her fault. All the other songs you can argue when she says stuff like this that she's twisting it in some way, or she's being sarcastic or something, but this line is 100% genuine, Taylor says she's not at all in the wrong, despite the fact we have AUDIO AND VISUAL FUCKING FOOTAGE OF TAYLOR GIVING KANYE PERMISSION FOR THE FAMOUS LINE, WHICH IS WHAT THIS ENTIRE THING WAS ABOUT. But I think Taylor knows this, she knows she's in the wrong, she just can't fucking admit it. Her ego is so high and she cares about her public image so much, if 1 insult is thrown her way she loses her fucking mind. In this sense, she relates to Kanye a lot. We established years ago Kanye was insane, and just recently it was confirmed he's basically clinically insane at this point. Taylor in my eyes is in the same bucket, but I don't care about her personal life. What I care about is while Kanye uses his insanity to make bonkers music that's very interesting and unique regardless of what you think it's quality is, Taylor makes basic bitch petty nonsense like this.

"But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time
Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time"

You didn't rise up from shit, you were seen as a victim by most and Kanye was just seen as "Oh, crazy ol' Kanye at it again, that goofball." 99% of your fans stayed with you, in fact you probably lost more from this song than whatever Kanye did. You aren't some underdog and you never will be, this is just Dark Horse but worse. Has the same butchered ass drop with limp chorus too.


Gorgeous
One of the better written songs on the album, it's what I want from Taylor Swift: she's a ditz. Drooling over a dude for how hot he is, yet she knows she can't be with him because she already has a boyfriend, at the same time making fun of how people think all she writes about are boys. It's not clever really, but it's something that you read and think about that just puts a smile on your face you know? I could do without the "You make me so happy it turns back to sad" bridge, but it's stupid enough to fit in a song as dopey as this. I wish the song didn't sound so fucking boring, but on a writing standpoint I like it.


Getaway Car
ok this is just dumb lol

"X marks the spot where we fell apart
He poisoned the well, I was lyin' to myself
I knew it from the first Old Fashioned, we were cursed
We never had a shot, gunshot in the dark
(Oh!)"

all of that is dumb, every single word


This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
The absolute dumbest fucking song Taylor has ever written, and not at all cute like it's trying to be.

"This is why we can't have nice things, darling
Because you break them
I had to take them away"

This is also about Kanye, in case it isn't incredibly obvious. Treating him like a fucking child. "This is why we can't have nice things" my ass, there's like an 80% chance she's just shitposting here.

"Here's a toast to my real friends
They don't care about that he-said-she-said
And here's to my baby
He ain't reading what they call me lately
And here's to my momma
Had to listen to all this drama
And here's to you
‘Cause forgiveness is a nice thing to do
Haha, I can't even say it with a straight face"

And this is where I was completely unforgiving for this fucking album. She blatantly points out in that final 2 lines that she should forgive Kanye, because it's what a sane human would do, but then finishes it by laughing and screaming "OH BUT WHY WOULD I DO THAT YOU FOOL." So yeah, she gets points for self awareness, but she loses a HELL of a lot more for completely admitting that she should forgive Kanye, but would rather not because it would harm her current image she's trying to portray as this "Take no shit from anyone" bad girl she's trying to come off as. Normally I'd finish this off with "Is she fucking psychotic?" But no, she isn't. She's just a horrible person.


You may have noticed I skipped half the songs, and that's because I can't remember what a lot of these songs were really about. Even my favourite songs on the album I don't even know what they're really about after a couple of listens, because all of Taylor's interesting writing has completely evaporated. Half the album is unmemorable love songs that she gets clowned for all the time, and the songs that are memorable are completely fucking insufferable. Absolutely pitiful.


Taylor's mission for this album was for you to see her in the darkest light possible, and boy she nailed it. A lot of people are willing to accept her as this sly, cunning girl who's a total boss, but I couldn't disagree more. I see a girl so fame hungry and egotistical that she can't take responsibility for her own actions, and would rather make cringey rap songs with fucking Future features to follow trends and stay in the limelight rather than just make a solid pop album. I see a girl that has her head so far up her ass that says she's "done with drama", yet brings it up multiple times on her highly anticipated album as well as it's LEAD SINGLE. I'm sure there's a huge overarching message and concept that went over my head, but I don't really think there is. Taylor Swift named her album "Reputation" because her reputation to some people was ruined, and then spent the album on how she doesn't give a fuck about fixing it. She'd rather start over as "the new Taylor." Instead of mending bridges, she'd rather burn the bridges, throw a grenade to the other side, and then move to another fucking island claiming "well, that wasn't *technically* me." Fuck you Taylor Swift. I'd call you a snake like everyone else, but that's too generous, because at least snakes technically have fucking spines.

OVERALL: 3/10

BEST: Dancing With Our Hands Tied, New Year's Day

WORST: This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, I Did Something Bad, ...Ready For It, Look What You Made Me Do

TRACK RATINGS (/10)
Dancing With Our Hands Tied - 8
New Year's Day - 7
Don't Blame Me - 6
Delicate - 5
Gorgeous - 5
Getaway Car - 5
King Of My Heart - 4
Call It What You Want - 4
So It Goes... - 3
Swift Dress - 2
End Game ft Future & Ed Sheeran - 1
Look What You Made Me Do - 0
Ready For It - 0
I Did Something Bad - 0
This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things - 0