FRIENDS - Marshmello ft Anne-Marie (SONG REVIEW)

                                    

We are in a post-Chainsmoker's pop music society, and now we have to live with it's consequences.

As I've stated on pretty much all of my pop music reviews at this point, the genre is going through a weird shift right now. It used to have a firm steel grip on the dangling balls of the mainstream, but now that's taken over by hip hop/trap music, pop is in sort of a free fall right now. But one thing that is very clear is the abundance of EDM producers flooding back into the spotlight as The Chainsmokers fail to live up to their former 16 month glory, and many artists try desperately to become the next big thing and take their crown. I've decided I should probably talk about at least ONE of them, considering I haven't talked about ANYTHING in over a month. Zedd is making his least inspired but somehow best material of his career, and as much as I'd love to rip apart Steve Aoki, he did collab with my girl Lauren Jauregui, so I guess I'll give him a mulligan this time. No, it would only make sense for me to tackle the most popular one of them all: Marshmello.


I am not remotely surprised Marshmello is as big as he is. After he dropped his album in 2016 that no one cared about (barring the UK and their weird obsession with EDM I DON'T want to get into), Marshmello seemed to collab with a bunch of flop artists (Noah Cyrus, my girl Tinashe, etc.), almost like he was building himself a feature resume to get someone of actual star power. Then all of a sudden, late 2017 comes around and he gets himself a Khalid feature, a Selena Gomez feature AND a Migos feature all back to back to back, now seemingly on the top of the world, and here we are. Now while I seem to be nicer to Marshmello then most, I don't think I've enjoyed a single song of his. His older stuff is much worse mind you, but his new songs just feel very...uninspired. Everything is very calming and low key, which doesn't seem right for dance music. There's also the whole Lil Peep fiasco he had, which I am absolutely NOT getting into.

Anne-Marie on the other hand, I basically know nothing about. I heard her single "Alarm" a while back (which was so fucking terrible I didn't check her out any further), she was the worst part of Rockabye, and delivered a HORRIBLE hook on that stupid fucking Catch 22 song. From what I can gather, Anne-Marie seems to be yet another addition to the female EDM bucket, where a producer will take any female C-lister singer and throw them on an anonymous hook. Julia Michaels, Noah Cyrus, Hailee Steinfeld, Rita Ora, you know, those type of artists. Outside of that, Anne-Marie doesn't have a single thing going for her. She sounds like a Cyndi Lauper clone with no personality. Just a very bland, soulless singer that has a tendency to slip into some REALLY obnoxious notes. But anyways, who gives a shit about all the backstory. These 2 have released a new song together, it's called FRIENDS. I have no expectations for it being good or bad, I'm just diving right in. So, is it any good?


Holy fucking shit, I was not expecting THIS much to unpack from a Marshmello song of all artists. First thing we have to mention is Marshmello's contributions. I mentioned before that he always seems to be the worst and least interesting part of his own songs, but he's definitely the heavy lifter on this song, because he does quite a few great things, surprisingly! The bass on the hook and abrupt gang vocals fit very well. The drum work is well enough, doesn't distract from anything. Fuck me, I even love the guitar, despite it having that super annoying scratchy quality that producers seem to love doing (I think my anger that developed from Starving's bullshit excuse of a guitar line has subsided at this point). The melody on the pre chorus is fucking gorgeous, and I especially love the synth that he adds on the final pre chorus. It's wirey, screechy, piercing in all the best possible ways. I know most people probably hate it, but I LOVE the whole creepiness and cheapness of it. Plus, it serves perfectly to the lyrics. You can take this weird ass synth that sounds straight out of a 90s horror video game on the Atari as Marshmello's stalker, creepy nature, or you can take it as the nearing of Anne-Marie's explosion of anger of not being able to get rid of this guy who's drooling over her. Which brings us to the lyrics and Anne-Marie herself, where the song goes COMPLETELY off the deep end.


I want to clearly state out of the gate that a self proclaimed "Friendzone anthem" is a fucking abysmal idea for a song. Why you would even write this I have no clue, and why you would ever RELEASE it is the type of doomsday shit that keeps me up at night. But that doesn't mean it's not workable. Fact is, if you got someone with enough sass and man killer attitude, you could probably sell this pretty effectively. I mean, let's be honest: if Kesha released a friendzone anthem, it would probably still be dope as fuck. Hell, I think Marshmello even knows this considering how the song seems tailored made for Bebe Rexha's vocal inflections, an artist who USED to be in that said EDM bucket. Anne-Marie is not the artist for this song, she feels HORRIBLY miscast. Despite headache inducing inflections left and right, Anne-Marie just doesn't seem to convey ANY emotion to the song. I have no idea what I'm supposed to feel. Am I supposed to laugh at Marshemllo and relieved for Anne-Marie? Sad for Marshmello's crushing sorrows and mad at Anne-Marrie's brashness? I don't fucking know. The song is framed that Anne-Marie is in the right, but it doesn't really make me feel anything outside of it. Songs should make you feel some sort of emotion, whether if it's one you want to feel or not, and this doesn't seem to do either? Granted this is a problem throughout all of Marshmello's new work, but this song in particular seems like there should be a pretty crystal clear feeling for it? But of course not, that's too competent for Anne-Marie, who on top of sounding soulless, has very obnoxious, cringey vocal jumps that add nothing to the song and only serve to remind you that, yes, this is indeed another interchangeable white chick that cannot sing. Like really, considering the situation, you should be YELLING this shit, put some emotion into it. You can't whine the line "I'm done being polite" and then proceed to practically whisper to the guy! She says "That's how we fucking spell friends" with no anger in her voice, it's like she doesn't even know what song she's on. Outside of that, she sounds as flat as her ass, and ruins basically any good melodies Marshmello could have crafted for her.

And the writing, dear LORD. Like yes, I'm pretty picky and pessimistic when it comes to my lyrical deconstruction of pop songs, but come the fuck on. THIS is what you give me? I feel insulted looking at this shit. For fuck's sake, Annie-Marie spells out the word "friends" 13 TIMES. 13. Outside of that, there's really not much to the song. There's no meat to it. It's a terrible idea with absolutely no execution (so half of that new Bea Miller album). I mean, she mentions that the boy loves her, and stayed outside her door at 2am once. But like, that's it? For all I know, this guy didn't even love Anne-Marie at all. The verses are way too short for any detail to really be mentioned, and it kinda just makes Anne-Marie look like a petty bitch (and not the appealing kind). More importantly, the structure of this song is awful. Again, the verses are so short, and the pre chorus isn't very long either, which means the whole song revolves around the chorus. Which would be fine, but there's 1 problem: the ENTIRE thing doesn't fucking rhyme.

Haven't I made it obvious?
Haven't I made it clear?
Want me to spell it out for you?
F-R-I-EN-D-S
Haven't I made it obvious?
Haven't I made it clear?
Want me to spell it out for you?
F-R-I-EN-D-S
F-R-I-EN-D-S

How the fuck do you write an entire chorus that doesn't rhyme ONCE? At best, you can stretch "obvious" with "EN-D-S" which sounds like "en-dee-ess", but this still doesn't work at all. Everything feels so clunky, which is a shame since, again, this is probably the best production we're ever gonna get out of Marshmello.

I'm very hesitant to call this "wasted potential", but I do say I like in theory how this song could've sounded. You know, if you just picked a better singer, better concept, better hook, AND better lyrics. So Marshmello, for now, you can stay I guess. As long as you don't drag Anne-Marie back with you, maybe you could make something of value. Try and collab with someone actually GOOD some time, alright?

1/5