FRIENDS - Marshmello ft Anne-Marie (SONG REVIEW)

                                    

We are in a post-Chainsmoker's pop music society, and now we have to live with it's consequences.

I Fall Apart - Post Malone (SONG REVIEW)

                                      

I cannot believe we have gotten to this point. I did NOT start this blog so I could see this dipshit on my schedule.

Havana - Camila Cabello ft Young Thug (SONG REVIEW)

                             

So, people are starting to like Camila now?

Crying In The Club - Camila Cabello (SONG REVIEW)

Oh Camila Cabello, what an odd story you have. As you all know, Camila Cabello is an "up and coming" pop star who used to be a member of the ever so popular girl group "Fifth Harmony". Now, I love this group's music, but I (and basically everyone else) have always thought Camila was easily the weakest member of the group. Her voice was just shrill and irritating, she stuck out loud and clear from the other girls, and NOT in a good way. But many fans and even their fucking label shoved her into the position as the one who would go solo. and with 1 feature on a shitty rap song, 1 absence of a popular group, and absolutely NO vocal training in between, Camila has launched herself as one of the biggest names in pop music right now, even bigger than Fifth Harmony. So with that in mind, I was anticipating what she would drop for the lead single of her easily predictable lead album. No joke, I had NO clue what direction she planned to go to, considering Fifth Harmony rarely ever wrote their own music, it's not like she had much writing chops. And when I saw that Cashmere Cat had his hands on this production, my interest only intensified. So, it's the big breakthrough for possibly the beginning of a lengthy career as the queen of pop music, how did it turn out?

Everyday - Ariana Grande ft Future (SONG REVIEW)

Everyday - Ariana Grande ft Future
If you haven't heard it (or seen it's shitty music video): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHmBf4ExtZk

If you pay attention to my Twitter at all (which I presume most of you do), you would know I am fucking starved for songs to review. Most of the songs worth a damn are already in the top 20 as we speak, so I might as well save them for my Billboard Top 20 review in a couple of weeks. But I've been even more starved for a GOOD song review, because yes, I do in fact like music sometimes. I wanted something that I like, but people didn't *know* I particularly liked. Anytime I've said "I have no idea what the fuck to review", someone always replies with Location by Khalid. But you all know I fucking love that song, so why the fuck would I review it?

So, I caved in. I chose the Ariana single, off an album I really enjoyed. I remember loving this song months ago when I heard the album, so how is it now?

Down - Marian Hill (SONG REVIEW)

Down - Marian Hill
If you haven't heard it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWGD2Cr9StM

The charts have been...weird these past couple of years. Back in 2014 and early 2015 when I watched the charts, I had a solid idea of what was going to chart and what type of music we'd be getting. Nowadays, I have absolutely no fucking idea. Not only are there so much different shit the mainstream is now willing to listen to (it used to just be the sample genres like Pop, RnB, Rap & Country, now we get Trap, EDM, Wonky, damn near experimental sometimes too, who knows), but there's just so many factors to track now (Like fuck I'm gonna try and figure out how the fuck Panodra and Soundcloud stream points work). So while I do still like to keep track of iTunes & Spotify charts because I'm a nerd, 40% of new entries I have no fucking idea will be coming. Introduce Down by Marian Hill: A songwriting/producing duo with borderline no past work other than remixes to various shitty songs, and 2 mildly awkward jazz-esque EPs that generated no buzz at all (except for a top 40 hit on the Alternative chart, which is basically the chart equivalent of learning how to do a bounce pass in basketball when you're in the NBA). And with the release of a worthless wreck of a debut album, they now have launched themselves a top 30 hit from being included in an Apple commercial that was aired during the Superbowl. Joy. With all the above information giving me basically nothing, I was completely unbiased to hearing this. So, is Down the start of the rise of a new A-lister in the making, or just another OHW to throw away into the bicycle bin after it's given 20 weeks?

Paris - The Chainsmokers (SONG REVIEW)

Paris - The Chainsmokers 
If you haven't heard it: Where the fuck have you been lol

I fucking despise the Chainsmokers. I absolutely fucking hate them. They came onto the scene with the hilariously awful #SELFIE, which was terrible of course, but it wasn't anything to take seriously. But after hearing their work now, that track should have been a massive warning signal of how vapid and smug these dudes are, and BELIEVE ME, are they fucking ever. They made a comeback in late 2015 with Roses, which I liked, and Don't Let Me Down, which has warn on me sure, but I still enjoy it. But after that is when their egos started to pour into their music. I already dissected the horrendous Closer in my Worst of 2016, their boring as tar but still mildly eye rolling fodder single All We Know, and their massive flop of a single Setting Fires, which is possibly even fucking worse than Closer, believe it or not. Safe to say that when I heard they were releasing a new song, I was excited to hear it. Not in a "Oh I can't wait to listen to it" kinda hype though, more of a "I can't wait to tear this shit to shreds" kind of hype. It was released a month ago, and I'm ready to review it.


Or at least, I wish I was.

Make Me (Cry) - Noah Cyrus & Labrinth (SONG REVIEW)

Make Me (Cry) - Noah Cyrus ft Labrinth
If you haven't heard it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXyBcKV0UIo

Back in 2013, I despised Miley Cyrus. I hated how she totally abandoned Hannah Montana (as you can probably tell) and tried and unfortunately succeeded into turning herself into this vapid but still trying to be soulful artist. It's like a valley girl living in a pool of sewage, taking the occasional swig of holy water when felt needed. My 13 year old self was absolutely irate from her. Looking back on it, I overreacted HARD. I mean sure, as a PERSON she was still horrific, but little me was more focused on her music, which was really not that awful. I kinda dig Wrecking Ball, & Bangerz on a whole was a pretty decent album. But what made me notice this more was when I saw THIS song on the charts: Make Me (Cry) by Noah Cyrus ft Labrinth. I immediately had so many questions:

1. How did I not know Miley had a sibling, and why does she have a singing career? 

2. Why did she decide for her first song (let alone first hit) to collaborate with fucking Labrinth?

3. Why is the "Cry" in parenthesis? What is that supposed to mean?

Well, I listened to the song. And while I quickly ignored it & just continued on with my life, I knew in the back of my mind I wanted to review this when I could, because pop songs like this don't come around very often, let alone chart this high. And I didn't want to wait til December just in case this didn't become a hit, so song review time I guess. So, Miley Cyrus' sister times that one dude you think you know but actually don't: does it equal a positive number?