Paris - The Chainsmokers (SONG REVIEW)

Paris - The Chainsmokers 
If you haven't heard it: Where the fuck have you been lol

I fucking despise the Chainsmokers. I absolutely fucking hate them. They came onto the scene with the hilariously awful #SELFIE, which was terrible of course, but it wasn't anything to take seriously. But after hearing their work now, that track should have been a massive warning signal of how vapid and smug these dudes are, and BELIEVE ME, are they fucking ever. They made a comeback in late 2015 with Roses, which I liked, and Don't Let Me Down, which has warn on me sure, but I still enjoy it. But after that is when their egos started to pour into their music. I already dissected the horrendous Closer in my Worst of 2016, their boring as tar but still mildly eye rolling fodder single All We Know, and their massive flop of a single Setting Fires, which is possibly even fucking worse than Closer, believe it or not. Safe to say that when I heard they were releasing a new song, I was excited to hear it. Not in a "Oh I can't wait to listen to it" kinda hype though, more of a "I can't wait to tear this shit to shreds" kind of hype. It was released a month ago, and I'm ready to review it.


Or at least, I wish I was.



You are probably going to hate this review. No matter if you like the song, hate the song, fuck, if you're completely indifferent on it, you're gonna hate this review. So try to bear with me throughout the entire thing, alright?


A huge problem I see people have with The Chainsmokers is their lyrics. Like I mentioned before, their smug and disgusting viewpoints and attitudes always tend to trickle into their music. And this isn't much of an exception. I'm fine with a song about a relationship due to fail, it's been used dozens of times and can work out very well. But here? I don't know. The framing of how Andrew McDicknose makes it out to be how he has all the control of how this relationship ends and how this girl doesn't really have the same perceptiveness he does puts me a bit on edge. And when he says shit like

"Out on the terrace/I don't know if it's fair but I thought, "How could I let you fall by yourself/While I'm wasted with someone else?"

...You start to ponder why this asshole wants to put himself in such a bad light, or if he even wants this relationship to continue! I guess you could look at it as this depressing track of a dude that's already given up, which is why he has a more subtle delivery (which I will fucking get to, believe me), but I can't buy into that when the chorus' main line goes "Lets show them we are better" when they clearly aren't. What also doesn't help is the only reason Target (or whatever he is called) seems to only give a fuck about this relationship because "Oh, but she's weak and frail, I can't let her fall by herself!". Go drive a chop stick through your nutsack you cunt.


But, again, like a lot of people say, and I will always perpetuate, none of this matters, because it's dance/club/vibe music. Lyrics don't matter as long as the track bangs right? Well, let me preface this next statement with this: This song is pretty blatantly inspired/straight up ripping off Midnight City by M83, a song a lot of people would say is one of the best songs of the decade. I've never liked it, thought it's always been boring as piss. But this production? Fucking beautiful. I never thought I'd say this coming from the fucking Chainsmokers, but this is just stunning to listen to. The thudding beat matched with the beautiful synth, with added percussion in the pre-chorus to make everything sound so much better. The pretty fantastic guitar that anchors the back half of the chorus that sounds absolutely lovely paired with the majestic piano on the blow out, I love it. The melody is so fucking infectious. Even in my indenial phase of hating this song I loved the melody. The entire atmosphere just sounds so...full. Everything is there and works as intended, which is the first time I think I've EVER said that for a Chainsmokers song! In short, I fucking ADORE how this sounds. Well...kinda. Look, I tried. I fucking tried. I've got to have heard this song about 50 times for this fucking review, let alone all the times before it. I want to love this so bad, because the reasons I don't are so fucking petty. But nope. I can't get over these 2 (Well, 1.5) glaring issues I have with this track. And of course, it all comes back to the man himself, Drewthony Tagtano.


Ever since Closer, this dumb cunt thought it was an excellent idea to sing on all the songs he creates. Now, this isn't anything new. Countless producers/writters have stepped out from the dark recording booths because they think they have the charisma and presence to rock the performances better than trained vocalists. Normally, I don't like these guys much, mostly because they're always layered in overcompensating auto tune. But oh man, I fuckin WISH that was the case here. Call me a dick all you want, but this man just simply can't fucking sing. He just can't. Can't hit a note, can't harmonize, fuck he can't even EMOTE. Just the same drunken, sluggish delivery every single fucking time. His voice, despite being powerless and weak, is placed so weirdly in the mix that it swamps everything out to me, and forces me to focus on nothing else but his dumb fuckin voice. But the thing that absolutely ruins the song, is the fucking rhyme scheme. Dear fucking lord. On paper it might not seem HORRIBLE, but the way Tagerara slurs the end of all his lines, every single rhyme sounds so forced but still half assed and just overall so fucking infuriating.

"We were staying in Paris
To get away from your parents"

Awful in so many ways I can't begin to explain.

"Out on the terrace
I don't know if it's fair but I thought, "How could I let you fall by yourself
While I'm wasted with someone else?""

Ok the first one: OH MY FUCKING GOD REALLY I WANT TO FUCKING DIE


The second one however, is the *exact* reason why it doesn't look bad on paper. "Self" and "else" isn't a bad rhyme. But the way he slurs it makes it sound so bad, and I can't get past it.


Look, this isn't a bad song. It really isn't. But this is the perfect example of a great song given to an incompetent performer. If this was sang by, say, Ed Sherran, or maybe someone like ZaYn, fuck, Mr. I Have The Vocal Personality of an NPC in Sims 2" Justin Bieber himself could serve this song justice. But this dude can't I'm sorry. Wasted potential at it's finest, truly a shame.

2/5