Make Me (Cry) - Noah Cyrus & Labrinth (SONG REVIEW)

Make Me (Cry) - Noah Cyrus ft Labrinth
If you haven't heard it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXyBcKV0UIo

Back in 2013, I despised Miley Cyrus. I hated how she totally abandoned Hannah Montana (as you can probably tell) and tried and unfortunately succeeded into turning herself into this vapid but still trying to be soulful artist. It's like a valley girl living in a pool of sewage, taking the occasional swig of holy water when felt needed. My 13 year old self was absolutely irate from her. Looking back on it, I overreacted HARD. I mean sure, as a PERSON she was still horrific, but little me was more focused on her music, which was really not that awful. I kinda dig Wrecking Ball, & Bangerz on a whole was a pretty decent album. But what made me notice this more was when I saw THIS song on the charts: Make Me (Cry) by Noah Cyrus ft Labrinth. I immediately had so many questions:

1. How did I not know Miley had a sibling, and why does she have a singing career? 

2. Why did she decide for her first song (let alone first hit) to collaborate with fucking Labrinth?

3. Why is the "Cry" in parenthesis? What is that supposed to mean?

Well, I listened to the song. And while I quickly ignored it & just continued on with my life, I knew in the back of my mind I wanted to review this when I could, because pop songs like this don't come around very often, let alone chart this high. And I didn't want to wait til December just in case this didn't become a hit, so song review time I guess. So, Miley Cyrus' sister times that one dude you think you know but actually don't: does it equal a positive number?



Nowhere close. Now those 3 questions I asked earlier, despite the last one being answered, the song itself brought up about 15 more. First, the least weird thing about this song: the performers. Even if I wasn't told Noah Cyrus was related to her sister, I'm pretty sure I could tell, because their vocals sound VERY similar. Which makes sense sure, and I'm not saying it's a bad thing either. What IS a bad thing however is her chemistry with Labrinth. When the song is about these 2 people having such conflicted emotions towards each other that it makes them cry, I expect some raw emotion & passion behind the performances. Noah Cyrus surely believes in it, and I semi applaud her, but this Labrinth cunt couldn't give less of a shit. He doesn't match with her voice at all, he constantly cuts her off in the middle of her verses (you're supposed to SHARE verses, dickhead. When you & your friend are sharing a toy when you were kids, you didn't rip the fucker out of their hands while they were using it, did you?). And since Noah Cyrus seems to have 0 faith in herself, she lets Labrinth control the song, attempting to harmonize with his flat "My paycheck is barely worth it" vocals. This is very clear on the bridge, where everything is supposed to crash into place, all emotions clash, and you scream at the top of your lungs in agony. While Noah Cyrus is Tori Kellying the fuck out of her parts (one of the few cases where emulating Tori Kelly is a good thing), Labrinth sounds like if Jon Bellion just got his tonsils removed. There's just such a disconnect in performers & it makes the song so awkward to listen to.

But while I do hate this assholes voice, his production has always been...passable. He is a producer first after all, you'd think he'd be good at that part. And for this song, he is. Kinda. The main anchoring melody of the hook is solid, and the foundation of the hook is good as well! But that's where the praise for him ends, because I *need* to talk about this production. Holy fuck what is happening. The fuzzy synth in the opening with all the random sound effects sound nice, until you get to the titular line.

"'Cause all you ever do is make me...(*drop*)"

Yes, the "cry" part is actually replaced with the sound of a drop sound, which is supposed to symbolize a tear hitting the ground. This is one of the DUMBEST things I've heard in a pop song. Not this year, note even this decade, EVER. And of course, this 1 sound is played through out the entire song repeatedly, just quieter. Call it "setting the atmosphere" all you want, I personally think it's fucking stupid. But this is only the tip of the iceberg, because after this line, the entire structure of the song is shattered right in front of your very eyes.

The happy & soothing feel of the chorus is completely stripped and replaced with shitty bass. That's it. Just an awful sounding bass. No drums, no percussion, nothin. If Pentatonix covered this song, they'd only need 1 fuckin guy. But yeah, that's all really. Y'know, ignoring those random sections of fucking EAR RAPE that you get hit with. No exaggeration, in the middle of the first and second verse is this loud as fuck obnoxious pile up of effects that don't fit the song at all. It's like listening to a Katy Perry song, but in between every verse it cuts to Wall Fuck by Flume (Please no one make this I swear to fucking god). The pre-chorus does introduce some dopey sounding synths & poorly mixed Space Invader sounds, but by that point it's too late.

Oh, and the drop that appears only once after the second verse? One of the most poorly executed I've ever heard. It's a mixture of said ear rape sound and said teardrop sound, and it genuinely makes me cringe when I hear it. I can't explain, but it just doesn't sound right. When I can tell if your drop is coming from a synth, a bass, a trumpet, or all 3 at once, you should never enter the studio ever again. Shit on David Guetta all you want, but he at least knew what the fuck he was doing most of the time! Labrinth had absolutely no direction, he just put all the things he could find in Garage Band into a hat and decided to pick the worst ones possible.

So yeah, the song blows. Horrible performances with no chemistry, production is a minefield, & lyrically boring & soulless, so soulless there's barely anything for me to bring up. I'd like to give the song points for creativity, I really would, but not when that creativity is this fucking stupid.

0/5