Yes, you read that title right.
Pink - Julia Michaels
Earlier this year, Julia Michaels hit us with the worst song of the entire year in the form of Uh Huh, a screechy, cheap, lazily mixed clusterfuck of a song that had my jaw slam into the center of the fucking Earth when I first heard it. After realizing how horrendous it was, I asked myself "Is there anyone else who could possibly make a song worse than this?", and I was ready to answer with no. But if anyone came close, it was Julia nearly dethroning herself for the worst song of the entire year with this deepcut off her latest EP. Dear. Fucking. LORD. How can you make a song so basic yet so fucking gross? Even if you can somehow ignores this song's lyrical downfalls, it just sounds like garbage. This fucking stuttered bass with absolutely no groove, some disjointed drums, the shit doesn't even sound fucking finished. You have Julia's atonal ass still not able to hit a note to change her life, and she does this whispering ASMR type shit on the chorus where she whispers:
"There's no innuendos, it's exactly what you think
Believe me when I tell you that he loves the color pink, oh"
Fucking awful. It reads awful, and it sounds WAY worse. The world already fucked itself by giving her a hit with Issues, PLEASE don't give her another with this one please. 0/5
Back To You - Louis Tomlinson ft Bebe Rexha & Digital Farm Animals
This is by far the best song any of the 1D members has made, it's not even a contest. Funny enough, Louis was easily my least fav member of 1D before they split, so it's weird he destroyed everyone in terms of quality. I think a lot of it has to do with the features and style chosen. Harry's 80s rock is highly respectable, but not very engaging for a full blown pop head like yours truly. ZaYn's makes toneless RnB and collabs with fucking Taylor Swift of all the bitches at his disposal. I have absolutely 0 interest in folk pop, so Niall's singles are out the window, and Liam...has a fucking Quavo feature. Fuck out of my face.
Louis however, seems to actually know what he's doing. Making simplistic pop songs with reputable producers and collaborates. And while Louis gives a fair performance, you gotta give most of the credit here to my girl Bebe Rexha, who sounds marvelous on this song. And to boot, they actually have decent chemistry it seems! It's minimal standard pop production sounds nice and progresses very well, it has some relatively tight writing that I wasn't expecting, it hits a lot of sweet spots that I wasn't expecting. Good job Louis, you outdid both yourself and all your co-stars. Please, less Steve Aoki, more Bebe Rexha, the world would be much better this way. 5/5
And speaking of Bebe Rexha...
That's It - Bebe Rexha ft Gucci Mane & 2 Chainz
I was fucking horrified when this came out. 2 features that really haven't impressed me this year at all, as well as 2 features implying Bebe was going in a more trap related direction (that she probably can't pull off) rather than her pop masterpieces. So I clicked on this song as fast as I could when it came out, and what I got was one of the weirdest songs to come out this year. It SOUNDS relatively normal, with it's looping synth and pounding drums and percussion, makes a pretty nice sound. It's a sort of beat that really emphasizes the performer rather than just simply compliment them. Which is kinda what makes this song extremely amazing? Let me try to explain this.
Firstly, this structure is INSANELY fucked. You'd expect a song like this to have 1 verse from Bebe singing, a verse from each of our guest rappers here, and of course the obligatory chorus and bridge thrown in there because that's just how songs go. It should look like
Bebe (Singing)/Chorus (Bebe singing)/Gucci Mane/Chorus/2 Chainz/Chorus/Bridge/Final Outro Chorus
But that would be too easy and...normal. INSTEAD we have no singular verse from Bebe, but in actuality she shares a verse with both 2 Gucci and 2 Chainz, where she isn't just singing, but she's RAPPING. So it looks more like
Chorus (Bebe singing)/Bebe (rapping)/Gucci Mane/Chorus/Bebe (rapping)/2 Chainz/Final Outro Chorus
Which is fucking awesome by the way. The idea of Bebe rapping is fucking hysterical to me. But if I'm being honest, she doesn't do a bad job! I mean she has some pretty cool, quotable lines in her mini verses.
"You be lookin at my ass? Damn that thang JURASSIC!"
"MOTHERFUCKER IMMA STAR, I DON'T DO NO DISHES!"
She has a lot of personality and her lines and verses flow nicely, which is also what I would say for our guest stars. With Gucci Mane and his double watch line, and 2 Chainz talkin about him searching through the Kama Sutra on a Macbook computer, and that now he's done that he can give "Mattress passion satisfaction" which is fucking hilarious. Look, I can't NOT love this. I can only barely express how much fun this song is to me. It may not sound like the type of fun song, but I could jam out to this any day. 5/5
Bank Account - 21 Savage
So 21 Savage dropped an album recently, and this is the big single from it. As in, it's RIGHT outside the top 20 (it actually fucking hit the top 20 the day I'm posting this *sigh*), becoming his biggest hit to date easily. And it sucks. What a surprised. But I still see a shocking amount of people liking, even LOVING this, and I'm so fucking confused why. Now I usually don't get the appeal to trap most of the time, but this is the song where I absolutely draw the line. What the fuck is good about this? The lyrics are a complete fucking wasteland, as usual. But 21 Savage hasn't ever been a dude known for bars, so I doubt his fans care either, so I can give him a pass there. But all the other shit is awful too! I've heard multiple 21 Savage performances, and this is one of his worst. He sounds even more bored than he usually does, with sloppy auto tune thrown at the end of random lines, trying to add some sort of flavour, but 21 Savage is having NONE of that, the shit makes him sound even worse than he already does.
It doesn't sound good either. This beat is so fucking basic and generic and BORING. Generic to the point where I swear to god the motherfucker used this exact same beat 3 separate times on his album, and boring to the point where I don't think him or anyone else fucking noticed.
But fuck all that, we all know why this song is ass. It's the hook. He is
LITERALLY
FUCKING
C O U N T I N G
"I got 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8 M's in my bank account, yeah (on God)
In my bank account, yeah (on God)
In my bank account, yeah (on God)
In my bank account, yeah (on God)
In my bank account, yeah (on God)
In my bank account, yeah (on God)"
That's half the hook. Just that. The other half is basically the same thing except it's about him shooting dudes. Which, I gotta say, is rather fitting, because listening to this dogshit at 3am makes me want to fucking shoot myself! *Seinfeld bass starts playing* 0/5
Bodak Yellow (Money Moves) - Cardi B
I don't get it. I just don't get it. I usually ADORE female rappers. The half rap valley girl trait many pop stars in the mid 2000s-early 2010s adopted, the more pop-rappers like Dreezy who both sing and rap but can still hold a solid flow, and of course fire spitters like Angel Haze and Nicki (in her mixtape days, of course). But this? Ehhhhh? This doesn't do anything for me. Her voice is cool, which is an important thing, but that's about all the credit I'm about to give it. Her flow is shockingly basic, and her bars just don't impress me. Now you don't NEED to have crazy ass bars to impress me, but give me something to latch onto, or give me a flow I can move along to. Maybe it's more the beat's fault than her's? This just sounds like the most generic trap beat you could make. I'm pretty certain this EXACT beat was on Kodak Black's last album. The whole song is just a big fat "meh", and the fact that this is the first non Nicki Minaj/Iggy Azalea female rapper song to gain this much traction in a long while, that really disappoints me. Whatever, can't win em all I guess. 2/5
Pink - Julia Michaels
Earlier this year, Julia Michaels hit us with the worst song of the entire year in the form of Uh Huh, a screechy, cheap, lazily mixed clusterfuck of a song that had my jaw slam into the center of the fucking Earth when I first heard it. After realizing how horrendous it was, I asked myself "Is there anyone else who could possibly make a song worse than this?", and I was ready to answer with no. But if anyone came close, it was Julia nearly dethroning herself for the worst song of the entire year with this deepcut off her latest EP. Dear. Fucking. LORD. How can you make a song so basic yet so fucking gross? Even if you can somehow ignores this song's lyrical downfalls, it just sounds like garbage. This fucking stuttered bass with absolutely no groove, some disjointed drums, the shit doesn't even sound fucking finished. You have Julia's atonal ass still not able to hit a note to change her life, and she does this whispering ASMR type shit on the chorus where she whispers:
"There's no innuendos, it's exactly what you think
Believe me when I tell you that he loves the color pink, oh"
Fucking awful. It reads awful, and it sounds WAY worse. The world already fucked itself by giving her a hit with Issues, PLEASE don't give her another with this one please. 0/5
Back To You - Louis Tomlinson ft Bebe Rexha & Digital Farm Animals
This is by far the best song any of the 1D members has made, it's not even a contest. Funny enough, Louis was easily my least fav member of 1D before they split, so it's weird he destroyed everyone in terms of quality. I think a lot of it has to do with the features and style chosen. Harry's 80s rock is highly respectable, but not very engaging for a full blown pop head like yours truly. ZaYn's makes toneless RnB and collabs with fucking Taylor Swift of all the bitches at his disposal. I have absolutely 0 interest in folk pop, so Niall's singles are out the window, and Liam...has a fucking Quavo feature. Fuck out of my face.
Louis however, seems to actually know what he's doing. Making simplistic pop songs with reputable producers and collaborates. And while Louis gives a fair performance, you gotta give most of the credit here to my girl Bebe Rexha, who sounds marvelous on this song. And to boot, they actually have decent chemistry it seems! It's minimal standard pop production sounds nice and progresses very well, it has some relatively tight writing that I wasn't expecting, it hits a lot of sweet spots that I wasn't expecting. Good job Louis, you outdid both yourself and all your co-stars. Please, less Steve Aoki, more Bebe Rexha, the world would be much better this way. 5/5
And speaking of Bebe Rexha...
That's It - Bebe Rexha ft Gucci Mane & 2 Chainz
I was fucking horrified when this came out. 2 features that really haven't impressed me this year at all, as well as 2 features implying Bebe was going in a more trap related direction (that she probably can't pull off) rather than her pop masterpieces. So I clicked on this song as fast as I could when it came out, and what I got was one of the weirdest songs to come out this year. It SOUNDS relatively normal, with it's looping synth and pounding drums and percussion, makes a pretty nice sound. It's a sort of beat that really emphasizes the performer rather than just simply compliment them. Which is kinda what makes this song extremely amazing? Let me try to explain this.
Firstly, this structure is INSANELY fucked. You'd expect a song like this to have 1 verse from Bebe singing, a verse from each of our guest rappers here, and of course the obligatory chorus and bridge thrown in there because that's just how songs go. It should look like
Bebe (Singing)/Chorus (Bebe singing)/Gucci Mane/Chorus/2 Chainz/Chorus/Bridge/Final Outro Chorus
But that would be too easy and...normal. INSTEAD we have no singular verse from Bebe, but in actuality she shares a verse with both 2 Gucci and 2 Chainz, where she isn't just singing, but she's RAPPING. So it looks more like
Chorus (Bebe singing)/Bebe (rapping)/Gucci Mane/Chorus/Bebe (rapping)/2 Chainz/Final Outro Chorus
Which is fucking awesome by the way. The idea of Bebe rapping is fucking hysterical to me. But if I'm being honest, she doesn't do a bad job! I mean she has some pretty cool, quotable lines in her mini verses.
"You be lookin at my ass? Damn that thang JURASSIC!"
"MOTHERFUCKER IMMA STAR, I DON'T DO NO DISHES!"
She has a lot of personality and her lines and verses flow nicely, which is also what I would say for our guest stars. With Gucci Mane and his double watch line, and 2 Chainz talkin about him searching through the Kama Sutra on a Macbook computer, and that now he's done that he can give "Mattress passion satisfaction" which is fucking hilarious. Look, I can't NOT love this. I can only barely express how much fun this song is to me. It may not sound like the type of fun song, but I could jam out to this any day. 5/5
Bank Account - 21 Savage
So 21 Savage dropped an album recently, and this is the big single from it. As in, it's RIGHT outside the top 20 (it actually fucking hit the top 20 the day I'm posting this *sigh*), becoming his biggest hit to date easily. And it sucks. What a surprised. But I still see a shocking amount of people liking, even LOVING this, and I'm so fucking confused why. Now I usually don't get the appeal to trap most of the time, but this is the song where I absolutely draw the line. What the fuck is good about this? The lyrics are a complete fucking wasteland, as usual. But 21 Savage hasn't ever been a dude known for bars, so I doubt his fans care either, so I can give him a pass there. But all the other shit is awful too! I've heard multiple 21 Savage performances, and this is one of his worst. He sounds even more bored than he usually does, with sloppy auto tune thrown at the end of random lines, trying to add some sort of flavour, but 21 Savage is having NONE of that, the shit makes him sound even worse than he already does.
It doesn't sound good either. This beat is so fucking basic and generic and BORING. Generic to the point where I swear to god the motherfucker used this exact same beat 3 separate times on his album, and boring to the point where I don't think him or anyone else fucking noticed.
But fuck all that, we all know why this song is ass. It's the hook. He is
LITERALLY
FUCKING
C O U N T I N G
"I got 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8 M's in my bank account, yeah (on God)
In my bank account, yeah (on God)
In my bank account, yeah (on God)
In my bank account, yeah (on God)
In my bank account, yeah (on God)
In my bank account, yeah (on God)"
That's half the hook. Just that. The other half is basically the same thing except it's about him shooting dudes. Which, I gotta say, is rather fitting, because listening to this dogshit at 3am makes me want to fucking shoot myself! *Seinfeld bass starts playing* 0/5
Bodak Yellow (Money Moves) - Cardi B
I don't get it. I just don't get it. I usually ADORE female rappers. The half rap valley girl trait many pop stars in the mid 2000s-early 2010s adopted, the more pop-rappers like Dreezy who both sing and rap but can still hold a solid flow, and of course fire spitters like Angel Haze and Nicki (in her mixtape days, of course). But this? Ehhhhh? This doesn't do anything for me. Her voice is cool, which is an important thing, but that's about all the credit I'm about to give it. Her flow is shockingly basic, and her bars just don't impress me. Now you don't NEED to have crazy ass bars to impress me, but give me something to latch onto, or give me a flow I can move along to. Maybe it's more the beat's fault than her's? This just sounds like the most generic trap beat you could make. I'm pretty certain this EXACT beat was on Kodak Black's last album. The whole song is just a big fat "meh", and the fact that this is the first non Nicki Minaj/Iggy Azalea female rapper song to gain this much traction in a long while, that really disappoints me. Whatever, can't win em all I guess. 2/5
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