Another year, another shitty opening to a worst list.
Friday 14 December 2018
Monday 29 October 2018
A Bunch Of Random Songs People Probably Care About
Well, I haven't written anything in a while, have I? Guess I gotta get back into the swing of things before list season. So, here's a quick few sentences about a bunch of random shit people seem to be caring about.
Friday 13 April 2018
Joyride by Tinashe (ALBUM REVIEW)
I've listened to this album a dozen times & I'm still only 85% convinced it exists.
So, here it is huh? After all this time, battle after battle, pop single after pop single, delay after delay, it's finally here: The true successor to Aquarius. Because apparently every critic but me has forgotten: Tinashe's only really released 1 album. Nightride was impressive sure, and had the sound of a full studio album: but it was merely a quality controlled mixtape, to hold fans over for the REAL Joyride.
And then it came, and I nearly had a meltdown.
I was very...confused, to say the least. I had a lot of questions and thoughts rolling through my mind of what the quality of this album really is. Was it truly a brilliant album worth the wait, or was it just straight up mediocre? Were the people right? Well it's hard to really say, even NOW it's kinda hard for me to say. But, I guess I'll give it a go. Anyways, Joyride by Tinashe: Are we speeding 140 down the highway, or 140 into a brick wall?
Ok, so first off, I'm a fucking idiot
I went into this album thinking Tinashe was saying this album was going to be upbeat, brighter, and numerously described it as a counterpart to Nightride. In that sense, she fucking nailed it, I just didn't realize until about 8 listens in. It's not the SOUND that's the Joyride, it's the content & tone. Nightride is a song that sounds like the equivalent of driving through a cold, dark night, and Joyride is a warm dawn that approaches. None of the songs outside of Me So Bad sound necessarily happy, but multiple of the songs are upbeat, and if not that, they're comforting, opposed to the chilling crisp Nightride. Even the songs that sound seemingly dark like Faded Love are very clear that sound is representing Tinashe fucking this dude purposely faded out of her mind which, if you've heard Aquarius as many times as I have, you'll know that this is both nothing new to her & something she loves to do. While it may not sound like it at first, this is the happiest, most joyride-ish project Tinashe could make without sacrificing her sound she's cultivated a fanbase with, which is impressive.
Lyrically, it matches too. Usually Tinashe songs are either about very depressing relationships, or just straight fucking (whether there's a deeper metaphor like in most of her mixtapes, or she's just straight up going to pound town in Feels Like Vegas), and in Joyride she switches it up a bit. Every song is either about comfort, love & lust, or just straight up letting loose. The entire album certainly *feels* like a joyride, barring one exception coming in the closing track, Fire and Flames, and how she's finally relieved she got through it all, which is at least uplifting. But it also serves as a shout out to the fans, of how despite all the hiccups & delays this album has had, not only has Tinashe made it through, but so have *we*, the fans, and that's pretty fucking beautiful, at least to me. A big, glaring flaw of Joyride is how relatively thin the writing is. I thought Tinashe had completely lost her pen, as her previous albums were much stronger lyrically than this one, and while that still rings true, it actually works in the album’s favour rather than serve as a weakness. Again, the Joyride concept. Tinashe is on a Joyride on this album, meaning she's experiencing things, but not necessarily laser focused on them. It's more about the experience, the vibe, the ride (and yes, I know I've trashed trap albums that go for this same sort of thing, but their albums don't have concepts AND the songs aren't good outside of it).
So as a concept, the album works flawlessly, but what about the songs? Majority of people don't care about an album's concept as much as they act like they do (including me), the SONGS are what matter. So, are they any good? Well it took about half a dozen listens for a few of them, but GOD are they ever. As expected, Tinashe sounds fucking gorgeous on this thing, possibly her best vocal performance to date. People often refer to Rihanna as a chameleon, who can show up on any type of song & kill it, & Tinashe is the same way. She can ride so many different beats on this thing it's insane. Nearly every song here is absolutely wonderful. The skittering swagger of No Drama, with an Offset verse that grows on me the more & more I hear it. Salt has a great instrumental that eventually grows into something that sounds crafted by God himself. The synthy, bubbly Stuck With Me & Me So Bad are both brilliant showcases of how well Tinashe can do pop when she wants to, the hazed out party of Faded Love with an incredibly spastic, on edge Future who sounds more interesting than he's ever been, and of course Tinashe’s near magnum opus No Contest, which I've heard for years in live performances & was begging for the studio version, & I couldn't have asked for anything more. Fuck, I even like the bed squeaks in Ooh La La, as corny as they are. They remind me of those very lovey dovey, sweet 2000s RnB songs. The interludes are enjoyable too! They don't serve as the tone setters and atmosphere changers that are scattered throughout Aquarius, but they're all enjoyable enough and don't come remotely close of taking me out of the album. Front to back, the album is filled with bops and bangers, and is consistent in it's greatness.
It's hard to say WHY it took me this long to notice things about this album you'd think would be very surface level. I knew this album was damn near perfect & worth the wait the first time I heard it, it just took me a while to grasp why. The intro has Tinashe yelling "FASTEN YOUR FUCKING SEATBELTS!", and I clearly didn't listen. But boy, am I all ears now.
SCORE: 9/10
And then it came, and I nearly had a meltdown.
I was very...confused, to say the least. I had a lot of questions and thoughts rolling through my mind of what the quality of this album really is. Was it truly a brilliant album worth the wait, or was it just straight up mediocre? Were the people right? Well it's hard to really say, even NOW it's kinda hard for me to say. But, I guess I'll give it a go. Anyways, Joyride by Tinashe: Are we speeding 140 down the highway, or 140 into a brick wall?
Ok, so first off, I'm a fucking idiot
I went into this album thinking Tinashe was saying this album was going to be upbeat, brighter, and numerously described it as a counterpart to Nightride. In that sense, she fucking nailed it, I just didn't realize until about 8 listens in. It's not the SOUND that's the Joyride, it's the content & tone. Nightride is a song that sounds like the equivalent of driving through a cold, dark night, and Joyride is a warm dawn that approaches. None of the songs outside of Me So Bad sound necessarily happy, but multiple of the songs are upbeat, and if not that, they're comforting, opposed to the chilling crisp Nightride. Even the songs that sound seemingly dark like Faded Love are very clear that sound is representing Tinashe fucking this dude purposely faded out of her mind which, if you've heard Aquarius as many times as I have, you'll know that this is both nothing new to her & something she loves to do. While it may not sound like it at first, this is the happiest, most joyride-ish project Tinashe could make without sacrificing her sound she's cultivated a fanbase with, which is impressive.
Lyrically, it matches too. Usually Tinashe songs are either about very depressing relationships, or just straight fucking (whether there's a deeper metaphor like in most of her mixtapes, or she's just straight up going to pound town in Feels Like Vegas), and in Joyride she switches it up a bit. Every song is either about comfort, love & lust, or just straight up letting loose. The entire album certainly *feels* like a joyride, barring one exception coming in the closing track, Fire and Flames, and how she's finally relieved she got through it all, which is at least uplifting. But it also serves as a shout out to the fans, of how despite all the hiccups & delays this album has had, not only has Tinashe made it through, but so have *we*, the fans, and that's pretty fucking beautiful, at least to me. A big, glaring flaw of Joyride is how relatively thin the writing is. I thought Tinashe had completely lost her pen, as her previous albums were much stronger lyrically than this one, and while that still rings true, it actually works in the album’s favour rather than serve as a weakness. Again, the Joyride concept. Tinashe is on a Joyride on this album, meaning she's experiencing things, but not necessarily laser focused on them. It's more about the experience, the vibe, the ride (and yes, I know I've trashed trap albums that go for this same sort of thing, but their albums don't have concepts AND the songs aren't good outside of it).
So as a concept, the album works flawlessly, but what about the songs? Majority of people don't care about an album's concept as much as they act like they do (including me), the SONGS are what matter. So, are they any good? Well it took about half a dozen listens for a few of them, but GOD are they ever. As expected, Tinashe sounds fucking gorgeous on this thing, possibly her best vocal performance to date. People often refer to Rihanna as a chameleon, who can show up on any type of song & kill it, & Tinashe is the same way. She can ride so many different beats on this thing it's insane. Nearly every song here is absolutely wonderful. The skittering swagger of No Drama, with an Offset verse that grows on me the more & more I hear it. Salt has a great instrumental that eventually grows into something that sounds crafted by God himself. The synthy, bubbly Stuck With Me & Me So Bad are both brilliant showcases of how well Tinashe can do pop when she wants to, the hazed out party of Faded Love with an incredibly spastic, on edge Future who sounds more interesting than he's ever been, and of course Tinashe’s near magnum opus No Contest, which I've heard for years in live performances & was begging for the studio version, & I couldn't have asked for anything more. Fuck, I even like the bed squeaks in Ooh La La, as corny as they are. They remind me of those very lovey dovey, sweet 2000s RnB songs. The interludes are enjoyable too! They don't serve as the tone setters and atmosphere changers that are scattered throughout Aquarius, but they're all enjoyable enough and don't come remotely close of taking me out of the album. Front to back, the album is filled with bops and bangers, and is consistent in it's greatness.
It's hard to say WHY it took me this long to notice things about this album you'd think would be very surface level. I knew this album was damn near perfect & worth the wait the first time I heard it, it just took me a while to grasp why. The intro has Tinashe yelling "FASTEN YOUR FUCKING SEATBELTS!", and I clearly didn't listen. But boy, am I all ears now.
SCORE: 9/10
BEST: No Contest, Me So Bad ft Ty Dolla $ign & French Montana, Salt, No Drama ft Offset, Joyride, Fires And Flames
WORST: He Don't Want It
TRACK RATINGS (/10)
No Contest - 10
Me So Bad ft Ty Dolla $ign & French Montana - 10
Stuck With Me ft Little Dragon - 10
Salt - 10
No Drama ft Offset - 10
Joyride - 10
Fires And Flames - 10
Faded Love ft Future - 9
Ooh La La - 9
He Don't Want It - 8
ALBUM HIGHLIGHTS/Side Notes
- No Contest is flawless
- Tinashe likes to say "la" a lot. Like, in half the album's hooks
- Vocals are very versatile and various styles are executed perfectly
- Features grow exponentially better the more you listen to them
- b u m p s i n t h e w h i p
ALBUM HIGHLIGHTS/Side Notes
- No Contest is flawless
- Tinashe likes to say "la" a lot. Like, in half the album's hooks
- Vocals are very versatile and various styles are executed perfectly
- Features grow exponentially better the more you listen to them
- b u m p s i n t h e w h i p
Saturday 24 February 2018
FRIENDS - Marshmello ft Anne-Marie (SONG REVIEW)
We are in a post-Chainsmoker's pop music society, and now we have to live with it's consequences.
Sunday 21 January 2018
Billboard Top 20 Ranking (Jan. 20th, 2018)
We're only 2 weeks in and I'm already scared for 2018.
I feel like what I say has some sort of spiritual effect on the Billboard charts, that me being too vulgar in my thrashing of artists unleashes said artists to major success, like a sort of cruel punishment for calling bullshit out when I see bullshit. It makes me want to keep my mouth shut and stop talking about pop music as a whole for the greater good. But, I'm not going to do that. Instead, I'm here to inform you that this top 20 fucking BLOWS. It was consistently below average for nearly all of 2017, but as soon as it hit 2018 it somehow got even worse. Thankfully, this is probably the best top 20 we've had in 2018 so far, but that doesn't mean it's any good. So, let's just jump right into this rotting sewage that is the pop charts, shall we?
I feel like what I say has some sort of spiritual effect on the Billboard charts, that me being too vulgar in my thrashing of artists unleashes said artists to major success, like a sort of cruel punishment for calling bullshit out when I see bullshit. It makes me want to keep my mouth shut and stop talking about pop music as a whole for the greater good. But, I'm not going to do that. Instead, I'm here to inform you that this top 20 fucking BLOWS. It was consistently below average for nearly all of 2017, but as soon as it hit 2018 it somehow got even worse. Thankfully, this is probably the best top 20 we've had in 2018 so far, but that doesn't mean it's any good. So, let's just jump right into this rotting sewage that is the pop charts, shall we?
Saturday 13 January 2018
CAMILA - Camila Cabello (ALBUM REVIEW)
"Are you ready to learn how to delay an album release?"
Dr. Dre gulped
Tinashe nodded
Hannah Diamond shuddered
Jay Electronica blinked nervously
"Yes Camila Cabello" they said in unison
Friday 15 December 2017
Sunday 19 November 2017
BLUE LIPS (Lady Wood Phase II) - Tove Lo (ALBUM REVIEW)
The sex goddess is back, for better or worse.
Friday 10 November 2017
Reputation - Taylor Swift (ALBUM REVIEW/RANT)
Taylor Swift isn't one to usually surprise me, but with this one she DEFINITELY did!
Sunday 29 October 2017
I Fall Apart - Post Malone (SONG REVIEW)
I cannot believe we have gotten to this point. I did NOT start this blog so I could see this dipshit on my schedule.
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