So as the number of interesting albums to review go into a depression, and the Billboard charts continue to bore me, I'd thought I would do something that hopefully some of you enjoy: Me ranting about songs! What songs? Random songs! I think I'll rarely talk about hits, as that's what list season is for, but I'll try to talk about at least a couple songs that have some buzz at the moment. So with this deranged preamble aside, let's start off this series, that will most likely be short lived, with a masterpiece.
Drop That Kitty - Ty Dolla $ign, Charlie XCX & Tinashe
This song is a fucking experience. Nothing on the surface gives any hints that this song should remotely work. Ty Dolla and Charlie have absolutely no chemistry. The combo of Charlie and Tinashe, as cool as it sounds in theory, is kinda like you putting your 2 favourite superheroes together as a child and just ignoring all the holes and disasters that would happen if this were to really happen. And yet, all 3 of them seemed to find a middle ground, that being the godly combination of Stargate & Cashmere Cat, who created an absolute monster of a beat. I mean fuck me sideways with a radiator pipe, does this sound fucking brilliant. The way the ugly but still slick as hell bass plays off of Ty Dolla $ign's semi-melodic delivery creates this stunning atmosphere that forces you to bob your head to the fire beat. The entire song feels like a massive tease too. The piano line plays a very wavy melody, just quickly floating up and down without any worries, and it sounds so taunting. Especially so when the goddess herself Tinashe comes on and delivers a phenomenal bridge that sounds like it's on the verge of exploding the entire track into smithereens, yet somehow barely keeps itself together with a collection of freaky vocal effects and striking drum + snare combos. Probably the best Tinashe performance I've heard, up there with her electric cooing and sly deviance on All Hands On Deck. Certainly the best vocal performance I've heard from Charlie XCX, who kills this hook. It's kinda freaky how well her vocals wrap around the phrase "Drop that kitty down low", but hey, I'm not gonna question it. This was a smash hit in the making that the public somehow missed. 2017's hip hop WISHED it had this level of style and flair. An absolutely fucking gorgeous track. 5/5
Attention - Charlie Puth
Yikes, THIS is Charlie Puth's comeback single? I mean I didn't expect it to be any good, this is Mr. Kamasutra Show and Tell we're talking about, but I didn't expect it to be this pissy either!
"You've been runnin' 'round, runnin' 'round, runnin' 'round
Throwin' that dirt all on my name
'Cause you knew that I, knew that I, knew that I'd
Call you up"
...well yeah, you dumped her. If someone famous dumped me and I lost my chance and eternal fortune and glory, I'd probably trash you too. Also, why do you have to call her up? Unless you're caving in and getting back together with her, calling her up and saying "psych bitch, you still aint getting this dick ay lmao" will only make things worse for you dude, this is just common sense.
"I know that dress is karma, perfume regret
You got me thinking 'bout when you were mine, ooh"
Ohh, so you DO want to be with her again? You seem to be describing her as a shitty person, but I won't judge I guess (also, "perfume regret" is so fucking stupid lol).
"And now I'm all up on ya, what you expect?
But you're not coming home with me tonight"
So you're just toying with her? So is it a song about 2 exes fucking with each other, because I can kinda dig that actually!
"You just want attention, you don't want my heart
Maybe you just hate the thought of me with someone new"
*sigh* never mind
we COULDN'T have an interesting song, of course not. It HAS to be about this double crossing bitch who Charlie just KNOWS is no good, so he won't dedicate a relationship with her (because he just knows better, not because he has no commitment), but will TOTALLY fuck around with her to just give her a taste of what it could be. "Yeah, she just wants attention, not my heart!" Go stick your dick in a beehive Puth.
And let me say, this production is abysmal. There are multiple elements here to serve as a foundation for a great song, and they all fail. The bassline, the one that everyone seems to love? The flattest, dullest, most monotone bass I've ever fucking heard. Yeah, it's got a decent melody, I'll give you that. But it just sounds fucking horrible. The drums have 0 impact, you completely glaze over them in record time. The guitar is mixed poorly and shouldn't even be there, and I guess we'll count Charlie's vocals as an instrument too because he sounds like a fucking recorder. Dude, I've heard you talk in interviews, your voice is deep as fuck. USE THAT. Stop trying to hit these Brendon Urie-type high notes.
This track is embarrassing, even for Puth's standards. Here's to hoping it doesn't make the year end because...kinda just wasted most of my material here. 0/5
Twerk It - Project Pat ft Ty Dolla $ign, Wiz Khalifa & Wale
I have no idea how I found this song. I think I was just searching through Ty Dolla $ign features and I saw this and thought "Eh, why not?". All I know is that it confuses the ever-living shit out of me. Every aspect confuses me, even this simplistic beat. I like the synth and piano touches, they sound fantastic. But out of nowhere, every now and then you get these shock waves of repeated clapping that are so out of touch and painful to listen to I automatically cringe when I hear them. But forget that, let's talk about these fucking features.
Ty Dolla $ign, he's my boy, and his hook here is nice. Despite the fact that what he's saying is complete nonsense ("I love it when you twerk it on a dick" is the least compelling hook of all time), and the other fact that he sounds like he wants to fucking tie a rope around his neck and see how far he can stretch it, he still sounds better than any other RnB singer you could put on your club banger choruses. You get a pass.
I guess this was released in a time where Wiz Khalifa was relevant, so this dipshit gets a verse, and it's hot garbage. For fucks sake, 8/12 of his bars end with "hell nah". 2/3rds! That's fucking ridiculous. It's like he didn't even tr- wait. Right. He's Wiz Khalifa. He was probably just high as fuck.
Then there's Wale, and...um...
"I said twerk it on that bitch
Working with a grip
I'm on yo magic carpet, put a turban on my head"
I think Wale needs help
"Now lemme take a look it in your pack
This is a googly moogly that thang is juicy"
Nah like Wale REALLY needs help.
This song is so fucking weird. Every verse is trash, the hook is fucking embarrassing, and the beat is a disaster, yet there's a bit of each part that I like, and I can't stop listening to it. I don't know, it's a weird one. Maybe when I get over my Ty Dolla $ign bias I can judge this song properly. 3/5.
Power - Little Mix
Remember when Spectrum Pulse very clearly pointed out again and again how Work From Home by Fifth Harmony was written by a bunch of dudes and not the girls themselves, so it was much creepier than it was probably intended? Well, here's Little Mix's shot at it, because not a single member of Little Mix wrote this, 3 dudes did instead. So, to yet again pit our 2 least favourite girl groups against eachother, I'd like to welcome you to a little segment I like to call: "Holy Fucking Shit These Lyrics Are a Fucking Atrocity on Mankind Itself"!
"Hold up, no, you didn't bow, bow
I ain't the chick to walk behind you around town"
Ah yes, nothing says female empowerment like literally screaming at dudes for apparently assuming Perrie is submissive in bed. Because THAT'S reasonable!
"Just 'cause you're packin', packin', whoop, down south"
That...
That's just the fucking worst, really.
"That don't mean I'm ever gonna take it lying down, baby"
These writers seem really content on driving home that Little Mix are a bunch of dominatrixes, I swear to god.
"You're the man, but I got the, I got the, I got the power
You make rain, but I'll make it, I'll make it, I'll make it shower"
G r o s s
...the 2nd part I mean, I'm all about girl power (as contradictory that may seem right now).
"I make this look easy, tick Tick, boom, like gasoline-y"
Ah yes, bragging about being a machine in bed because...that's appealing?
Kinda got your motives backwards guys. This one *might* need a few rewrites.
"Start my engine, push the button, 'cause I'm gon' be coming first"
That's...not an accomplishment. Or a privilege really. You just kinda do it. In fact, it's kinda the opposite in terms of accomplishments. Dudes are constantly mocked if they have fast *ahem* "trigger fingers", so why is it cool if a girl does? Just because it's another example of a girl taking a mans position for empowerment?
GOD I am thinking too hard into this.
"Motorbike, motorbike, motorbike, motorbike
Bike, bike, bike, bike
Bike, bike, bike, bike, bike, bike, whoop"
WHAT THE ACTUAL FU-
(0/5 btw)
It's A Vibe - 2 Chainz ft Ty Dolla $ign, Trey Songz, & Jhene Aiko
Yet another weird as hell song featuring Ty Dolla $ign. We started with one, we just had one, and now we're ending with one. I'd like to say "It's a Vibe" is self explanatory, but I guess I might as well talk about it a bit huh? First off, 2 Chainz making vibe music? What the actual fuck? He does it WAY better than I'd thought he would. This is pretty smooth, I gotta say. I mean, I don't remotely remember his verse, but he kills the hook. All 4 of the performers do, but despite 2 Chainz being the only one that isn't a singer, he does by far the best job. He says "That's a vibe" in such a dull voice, but it fits perfectly. Ty Dolla $ign kills it for a 3rd time this post, Jhene Aiko sounds as beautiful as she usually does, and even Trey Songz decided to stick his head out of his urethra and deliver some solid vocals! And the beat is pretty solid too. A beautiful piano that anchors the entire song and becomes more distinct with a soft bassline and minimal percussion. It's all very laidback and soothing, the exact opposite I expect from a 2 Chainz song. This is just one of those tracks there isn't much to talk about because everything is already there laid out for you. You either like it or you don't, and I definitely like it. 4/5.
So that was fun. Tell me if you enjoyed my brain's scatter shots or if this was fucking useless. Will probably do another one soon, but for now, it's literally 3am so it's time for to fucking sleep.
Drop That Kitty - Ty Dolla $ign, Charlie XCX & Tinashe
This song is a fucking experience. Nothing on the surface gives any hints that this song should remotely work. Ty Dolla and Charlie have absolutely no chemistry. The combo of Charlie and Tinashe, as cool as it sounds in theory, is kinda like you putting your 2 favourite superheroes together as a child and just ignoring all the holes and disasters that would happen if this were to really happen. And yet, all 3 of them seemed to find a middle ground, that being the godly combination of Stargate & Cashmere Cat, who created an absolute monster of a beat. I mean fuck me sideways with a radiator pipe, does this sound fucking brilliant. The way the ugly but still slick as hell bass plays off of Ty Dolla $ign's semi-melodic delivery creates this stunning atmosphere that forces you to bob your head to the fire beat. The entire song feels like a massive tease too. The piano line plays a very wavy melody, just quickly floating up and down without any worries, and it sounds so taunting. Especially so when the goddess herself Tinashe comes on and delivers a phenomenal bridge that sounds like it's on the verge of exploding the entire track into smithereens, yet somehow barely keeps itself together with a collection of freaky vocal effects and striking drum + snare combos. Probably the best Tinashe performance I've heard, up there with her electric cooing and sly deviance on All Hands On Deck. Certainly the best vocal performance I've heard from Charlie XCX, who kills this hook. It's kinda freaky how well her vocals wrap around the phrase "Drop that kitty down low", but hey, I'm not gonna question it. This was a smash hit in the making that the public somehow missed. 2017's hip hop WISHED it had this level of style and flair. An absolutely fucking gorgeous track. 5/5
Attention - Charlie Puth
Yikes, THIS is Charlie Puth's comeback single? I mean I didn't expect it to be any good, this is Mr. Kamasutra Show and Tell we're talking about, but I didn't expect it to be this pissy either!
"You've been runnin' 'round, runnin' 'round, runnin' 'round
Throwin' that dirt all on my name
'Cause you knew that I, knew that I, knew that I'd
Call you up"
...well yeah, you dumped her. If someone famous dumped me and I lost my chance and eternal fortune and glory, I'd probably trash you too. Also, why do you have to call her up? Unless you're caving in and getting back together with her, calling her up and saying "psych bitch, you still aint getting this dick ay lmao" will only make things worse for you dude, this is just common sense.
"I know that dress is karma, perfume regret
You got me thinking 'bout when you were mine, ooh"
Ohh, so you DO want to be with her again? You seem to be describing her as a shitty person, but I won't judge I guess (also, "perfume regret" is so fucking stupid lol).
"And now I'm all up on ya, what you expect?
But you're not coming home with me tonight"
So you're just toying with her? So is it a song about 2 exes fucking with each other, because I can kinda dig that actually!
"You just want attention, you don't want my heart
Maybe you just hate the thought of me with someone new"
*sigh* never mind
we COULDN'T have an interesting song, of course not. It HAS to be about this double crossing bitch who Charlie just KNOWS is no good, so he won't dedicate a relationship with her (because he just knows better, not because he has no commitment), but will TOTALLY fuck around with her to just give her a taste of what it could be. "Yeah, she just wants attention, not my heart!" Go stick your dick in a beehive Puth.
And let me say, this production is abysmal. There are multiple elements here to serve as a foundation for a great song, and they all fail. The bassline, the one that everyone seems to love? The flattest, dullest, most monotone bass I've ever fucking heard. Yeah, it's got a decent melody, I'll give you that. But it just sounds fucking horrible. The drums have 0 impact, you completely glaze over them in record time. The guitar is mixed poorly and shouldn't even be there, and I guess we'll count Charlie's vocals as an instrument too because he sounds like a fucking recorder. Dude, I've heard you talk in interviews, your voice is deep as fuck. USE THAT. Stop trying to hit these Brendon Urie-type high notes.
This track is embarrassing, even for Puth's standards. Here's to hoping it doesn't make the year end because...kinda just wasted most of my material here. 0/5
Twerk It - Project Pat ft Ty Dolla $ign, Wiz Khalifa & Wale
I have no idea how I found this song. I think I was just searching through Ty Dolla $ign features and I saw this and thought "Eh, why not?". All I know is that it confuses the ever-living shit out of me. Every aspect confuses me, even this simplistic beat. I like the synth and piano touches, they sound fantastic. But out of nowhere, every now and then you get these shock waves of repeated clapping that are so out of touch and painful to listen to I automatically cringe when I hear them. But forget that, let's talk about these fucking features.
Ty Dolla $ign, he's my boy, and his hook here is nice. Despite the fact that what he's saying is complete nonsense ("I love it when you twerk it on a dick" is the least compelling hook of all time), and the other fact that he sounds like he wants to fucking tie a rope around his neck and see how far he can stretch it, he still sounds better than any other RnB singer you could put on your club banger choruses. You get a pass.
I guess this was released in a time where Wiz Khalifa was relevant, so this dipshit gets a verse, and it's hot garbage. For fucks sake, 8/12 of his bars end with "hell nah". 2/3rds! That's fucking ridiculous. It's like he didn't even tr- wait. Right. He's Wiz Khalifa. He was probably just high as fuck.
Then there's Wale, and...um...
"I said twerk it on that bitch
Working with a grip
I'm on yo magic carpet, put a turban on my head"
I think Wale needs help
"Now lemme take a look it in your pack
This is a googly moogly that thang is juicy"
Nah like Wale REALLY needs help.
This song is so fucking weird. Every verse is trash, the hook is fucking embarrassing, and the beat is a disaster, yet there's a bit of each part that I like, and I can't stop listening to it. I don't know, it's a weird one. Maybe when I get over my Ty Dolla $ign bias I can judge this song properly. 3/5.
Power - Little Mix
Remember when Spectrum Pulse very clearly pointed out again and again how Work From Home by Fifth Harmony was written by a bunch of dudes and not the girls themselves, so it was much creepier than it was probably intended? Well, here's Little Mix's shot at it, because not a single member of Little Mix wrote this, 3 dudes did instead. So, to yet again pit our 2 least favourite girl groups against eachother, I'd like to welcome you to a little segment I like to call: "Holy Fucking Shit These Lyrics Are a Fucking Atrocity on Mankind Itself"!
"Hold up, no, you didn't bow, bow
I ain't the chick to walk behind you around town"
Ah yes, nothing says female empowerment like literally screaming at dudes for apparently assuming Perrie is submissive in bed. Because THAT'S reasonable!
"Just 'cause you're packin', packin', whoop, down south"
That...
That's just the fucking worst, really.
"That don't mean I'm ever gonna take it lying down, baby"
These writers seem really content on driving home that Little Mix are a bunch of dominatrixes, I swear to god.
"You're the man, but I got the, I got the, I got the power
You make rain, but I'll make it, I'll make it, I'll make it shower"
G r o s s
...the 2nd part I mean, I'm all about girl power (as contradictory that may seem right now).
"I make this look easy, tick Tick, boom, like gasoline-y"
Ah yes, bragging about being a machine in bed because...that's appealing?
Kinda got your motives backwards guys. This one *might* need a few rewrites.
"Start my engine, push the button, 'cause I'm gon' be coming first"
That's...not an accomplishment. Or a privilege really. You just kinda do it. In fact, it's kinda the opposite in terms of accomplishments. Dudes are constantly mocked if they have fast *ahem* "trigger fingers", so why is it cool if a girl does? Just because it's another example of a girl taking a mans position for empowerment?
GOD I am thinking too hard into this.
"Motorbike, motorbike, motorbike, motorbike
Bike, bike, bike, bike
Bike, bike, bike, bike, bike, bike, whoop"
WHAT THE ACTUAL FU-
(0/5 btw)
It's A Vibe - 2 Chainz ft Ty Dolla $ign, Trey Songz, & Jhene Aiko
Yet another weird as hell song featuring Ty Dolla $ign. We started with one, we just had one, and now we're ending with one. I'd like to say "It's a Vibe" is self explanatory, but I guess I might as well talk about it a bit huh? First off, 2 Chainz making vibe music? What the actual fuck? He does it WAY better than I'd thought he would. This is pretty smooth, I gotta say. I mean, I don't remotely remember his verse, but he kills the hook. All 4 of the performers do, but despite 2 Chainz being the only one that isn't a singer, he does by far the best job. He says "That's a vibe" in such a dull voice, but it fits perfectly. Ty Dolla $ign kills it for a 3rd time this post, Jhene Aiko sounds as beautiful as she usually does, and even Trey Songz decided to stick his head out of his urethra and deliver some solid vocals! And the beat is pretty solid too. A beautiful piano that anchors the entire song and becomes more distinct with a soft bassline and minimal percussion. It's all very laidback and soothing, the exact opposite I expect from a 2 Chainz song. This is just one of those tracks there isn't much to talk about because everything is already there laid out for you. You either like it or you don't, and I definitely like it. 4/5.
So that was fun. Tell me if you enjoyed my brain's scatter shots or if this was fucking useless. Will probably do another one soon, but for now, it's literally 3am so it's time for to fucking sleep.
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