I do not like The Chainsmokers, surprise surprise. I find them incredibly obnoxious, with cheap annoying production & horrendous vocal performances, from both guests and even sometimes frontman himself Andrew Taggart. But even after all of that, I was still hyped for this album. While I didn't like "Paris" or "Something Just Like This" very much, they both showed incredible potential. They showed The Chainsmokers could make something absolutely brilliant if they sat down and put in 110%. So, I dived straight into this album the minute it came out. Was it garbage like most people expected, or did these guys sit down and make a pop masterpiece?
Well, you might be surprised by what I have to say. When this came out, I didn't see a single negative opinion. Everyone agreed The Chainsmokers made a solid EDM/Pop album, or at least got their shit together and made an inoffensive, decent record. But since I am a pessimistic man who is often found in the minority, I found this album to be fucking dreadful to go through. We'll start with the production, which is what they're known for. When you hear a Chainsmokers track, you KNOW it's a Chainsmokers track. And there's a few here I actually like. I think the piano ballad-esque intro "The One" is a great intro and still has that Chainsmokers sound to it despite being a different style, "Don't Say" with Emily Warren had a pretty cool synth and some flat low bass that worked oddly well in contrast to everything around it, and I've already ranted on how great "Paris" sounds. These guys know what they're doing when they stick their heads out of their asses. Unfortunately, that's usually where their brains and thoughts remain, which causes their "memories" to become absolutely clouded. Especially when you realize how lazy these drops and beats are. The amount of original sounding songs on this album I could count on my fucking hand. The loud as fuck piano drop on "My Type" which sounds like a Marshmellow drop unmastered, the large amount of influence "Paris" takes from M83's "Midnight City", the song "Break Up Every Night" that sound straight out of Blink 182's discography, it's pretty blatant if you're paying attention. But what's even more inexcusable are the times they just rehash shit they've already done. The entirety of Bloodstream that reminds me WAY too much of Closer (same structured drop, the "I-I-I-I"s, etc.), "It Won't Kill Ya" ft Louane that has a drop way too similar to "Don't Let Me Down" to be a coincidence, and even their big single from this album "Something Just Like This" that has a drop identical to Roses. I like Roses and I STILL can't fucking stand that they did that. Plus, the Jhene Aiko track "Wake Up Alone" has this sleazy bass that reminds me a lot of "Don't Mind" by Kent Jones (not too sure about that one though, but I'm certain it resembles SOMETHING). None of the songs sound cheap per say (again, they know what they're doing), they just picked bad styles that don't mesh well. They had a heart (surprisingly), they just didn't have a brain.
Vocally this album struggles as well. I've already talked about Andrew Taggart and his abysmal voice, and aside from "The One", he really doesn't do much for me here either. I don't know if "soulless" is quite the word I'm looking for, but more just "unable to show passion". You can tell he believes every word he wrote and said, it's just that his severe lack of vocal talent stops him from showing it. It works on The One because the tempo is slow enough and the lyrics paint his vocals into a position where his laid back style works. But not only is Andrew lacking, so are most of the guests here, and I have no idea what happened. You have someone like Emily Warren, who does fantastic on "Don't Say", but then later you get to "My Type" and she sounds like a dying cat. Florida Georgia Line make an appearance on the closing track, and I say "appearance" because they have such little presence they might as well be background vocalists. Coldplay frontman gives the worst vocal performance he's given since "Yellow" (which is fuckin saying something), and Jhene Aiko? Girl, what happened? You have the voice of an angel, you're damn near as soothing and delicate as Tinashe, why do you sound THIS strained? Everyone was either punching time or off their game, and I'm not sure which is worse.
And finally, the lyrics. Now I was going to say the lyrics don't matter, because this is EDM. You aren't going to be analyzing any lines when you're turning up in a club. But when they named this album "Memories...Do Not Open", I realize they weren't just gonna make club bangers. They were going to put their hearts into these lyrics, and I was going to put my brain into analyzing them. And ho fucking boy, did they ever. Now first lets quickly touch on the writing I liked. As I said before, "The One" was a solid intro about Andrew being too scared to end a relationship because HE'S in the wrong (nice to see that for a fucking change), and "Don't Say" is a fantastic track about the excuse of saying "I'm human" not being enough, and telling this douchebag to man up and just apologize. It also becomes more entertaining if you think of it to be a diss track towards Rag'N'Bone Man's hit song "Human", which is based around this exact complaint. These 2 are great examples of solid Chainsmokers writing. The rest of this album is the opposite. Where to fucking start here. Well, the easiest culprit of shit writing is "Break Up Every Night", which just has lyrics beyond stupid.
"Which one am I with now?/She's got seven personalities, every one's a tragedy"
This is their way of describing of an on and off relationship, and coming off as absolute pricks. Also, if every one is a tragedy, WHY DO YOU KEEP RETURNING? If you keep coming back/accept her coming back, one of them has GOT to be good right?
Then there's of course some subtle moments of just awkward phrasing. Many have tried and all have failed to make "Then tries to fuck me back to life" seem appealing, and the Chainsmokers are no different. And the cheesy superhero/god references in Something Just Like This really don't work as well as they think they do. Then there's tracks where they get more personal, like in "Bloodstream", which is a song about acceptance in the most shallow, "edgy" way possible. A few rewrites could've made this track pretty great, but it sounds like they punched it out in 1 sitting. Very weak writing plagues this record, and is what makes the difference between a bad and a horrible record. But at no point does it get worse than in "Honest", which is one of the worst tracks of the entire year. It's premise is Andrew being out on the road or on tour or whatever, and his conflicts of trying not to hook up with girls (who of course only care about him for his money and fame) when he has a perfectly fine girl back home. Just reading this sentence sends SO many red flags up.
1. How do you know this girl only cares about your fame and fortune? You never go into any detail about her (this songs biggest problem), and never give any reason other than "oh, she doesn't like me, she just knows I'm on the radio", When you don't even know that! Also, rhyming radio with home with all with radio? Fucking pathetic.
2. Why is this even an issue? If you love your girl back home, why would you bother with this dime a dozen slutty broad that only wants your money and dick? Why are you trying to force yourself to love a gold digger, while simultaneously cheat on your current partner? Call it "young love", or fuck, even bring up the fact there's alcohol involved. But I'm not falling for it, this is just fucking stupid, trying to portray Andrew as a fragile man in a tough choice when he's just a douchebag. The perfect word to describe this entire record: douchebag.
This is fucking awful. It's boring, depressing, annoying, and infuriating all at the same time. You could say that's what they were going for, but I'm not gonna give them points for aiming to make something that's a fucking nightmare to listen to. Yeah, probably should've kept these memories shut boys, because I sure as fuck don't want them.
OVERALL: 2/10
BEST: Don't Say ft Emily Warren, The One
WORST: Honest, Break Up Every Night, Bloodstream, Wake Up Alone ft Jhene Aiko
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