Wow, I'm really throwing curveballs right out of the gate with this one.
No. 10: Tonight I'm Fucking You - Enrique Iglesias ft Ludacris (US: 16 / CA: 9)
There's barely anything I can say about this one. There is nothing I can say that Toddintheshadows and the title itself said 6 years ago. But eh, fuck it, I'll give it a go. First off, why does Enrique Iglesias STILL have a career? He's been around for 3 separate decades at this point, and hasn't dropped a single good song in any of them. I get the club boom injected adrenaline into the arm of his dreary sludgy career, but enough for him to make something like THIS and give him a pass? I just don't understand what the fuck we were on back then to let something this disgusting become a hit. And yes, it's pretty damn disgusting, don't forget it.
"You know my motivation, given my reputation"
Creepy as ALL hell.
But it's not really the lyrics that are the problem, outside of the title. Enrique songs have ALWAYS been creepy, no matter the subject at hand. It's all because of his fucking voice. He always sounds so creepy and sleazy. And not the good sleazy like Kesha, the BAD sleazy, like Akon or Plies. The tones he picks is fucking ludacris. And speaking of that, his verse is shit. Anyways, songs shit, but you already knew that.
Oh, the beats kinda cool btw.
I'm not gonna make a lot of friends with this one. I know a lot of you really like this song, and I get it. I can be seen as a total asshole for putting this here, and I get it. But allow me to make my case.
No. 9: Raise Your Glass - P!nk (US: 17 / CA: 18)
Yes, it sounds fine. The guitar is decent, the drums match well, and yes, P!nk sings fine. That's not my problem. My problem are these fucking lyrics. Now lets ignore she was in her 30s when she wrote this, lets ignore that it's some weird as fuck self esteem anthem, and let's just look at these lyrics at face value and fucking cringe at this shit. So, if you'll allow me, it's time to shit over almost every single line in this song!
"What is the dealio?"
Ah yes, of course, You know the dealio, don't you? That one phrase that no one but middle aged white moms say to try and sound hip and cool? Remember how that was the worst thing to ever hit your child ears?
"5 a.m. turn the radio up/Where is the rock n roll?"
Ignoring the fact this doesn't rhyme at all and the line before it doesn't either, it's literally wrong. Fuck it was even *more* wrong when she wrote this. But I guess that's unfair to P!nk, because she probably hasn't turned on the radio since 2008 when she was last on it.
"Party crasher, penny/panty snatcher"
Ones gross, ones a stupid. Pick your poison.
"Call me up if you are a gangster"
I'd like to point out the only rapper she had on her album after this song was Eminem, and the closest artist she had to a "gangster" was Lily Allen
Yeeeeeeeeah, gonna guess that your phone wasn't buzzing very much.
"Don't be fancy, just get dancey"
This is like a fucking Macklemore lyric.
"We will never be, never be anything but loud/And nitty, gritty, dirty, little freaks"
I literally tense up when I hear this chorus, I swear to god.
"Slam, slam, oh hot damn"
f u c k i n g k i l l m e
"So if you are too school for cool"
And to top off the mountain of cringe, you throw in the most overused term and use it unironically. Fucking miserable.
I swear people are only liking this because it was given to P!nk, who sort of adopted this persona as the cool aunt of rock music, but no fuck that. This is shit, and should not be excused solely for name recognition. If Natasha Bedingfield did this, everyone would have *despised* this. And the adlibs. THE FUCKING ADLIBS. The "aw, fuck it" that I hope was a cry for help, the literal moaning that happens out of nowhere, all of them are the most awkward, forced, and disturbing adlibs since Rockstar by Nickelback. I'd rather Raise My Glass into my fucking asshole & buttchug cheap bargain bin beer til I die of alcohol poisoning than hear this fucking trash ever again. I'm disappointed in P!nk for making it, but WAY more disappointed in the rest of the world for fucking buying it.
I would like to congratulate everyone here for keeping this wankstain in Europe after this disaster. You finally got one right.
No. 8: Written In The Stars - Tinie Tempah ft Eric Turner (US: 63 / CA: 68)
2011 was plagued with one of the worst curses you can give pop music: The Curse of the Piano. EVERY pop song needed a piano, no matter the circumstances. And this is one of the worst offenders. The piano is so watered down and sour. Fuck, EVERY instrument is watered down and sour. The limp electric guitar, the slimy synth, the stuttering drums, all drowning in what seems to be nothing. It's the musical equivalent of squirting lemon juice into your eye sockets. And this Eric Turner dude isn't helping. His voice is just void of everything, he sounds like he's just yelling into an echo chamber. And that fucking high note at the end of the chorus is what I'd like to call "Pulling in Adam Levine", but that implies this guy sounds like her cares about what he's saying. Speaking of which, this songs garbage content!
So the entire songs point is Tinie Tempah telling his struggles of trying to get his name out there. Except it really isn't. The MAJORITY of the song is Tinie Tempah bragging of how much of a badass he is over the most cutesy and sad but still upbeat shit you'd hear this side of a 2017 Linkin Park. Which, I don't necessarily have a problem with, I'm used to rappers brag rapping at this point. But you couldn't have picked ANY other song to do it on? Maybe not the one where you rap about your struggles? I'd get if he was talking about his come up, but he isn't. He's going "Yo, I did this one poor thing once and it was kinda sad but HAHA BITCH I GOT MORE HITS THAN YOUR MOMS GOT DILDOS LOLOLOL FUCKIN N E R D". It just feels a bit all over the place, in simpler terms. This probably wouldn't be that much of a problem if he was a decent rapper, but dear lord is he not.
"So down to earth/I’m bringing gravity back"
Wack as fuck.
"Cause I got more fuckin' hits than a disciplined child"
Man, there's a lot to unpack in THIS one isn't there?
1. That's fucking corny as all hell I'm sorry. Not sure if that's supposed to be cool, slick, emotional, or whatever, I don't know. But it's definitely not ANY of those.
2. Before this song, you had 2 singles out. You possibly only had 1 of them out when this was written. So, you had 2 hits. TWO. I don't know WHAT fucking disciplined children you're thinking of, but it *may* have been in the fucking suburbs.
3. I love how he had to throw in the "fuckin" in there just to make him sound cooler. It's fucking hilarious to listen to this shit & try and take it seriously.
This is a forgotten stain on the 2011 YE. The fact it got this big is baffling to me, considering how messy it is. Overall Tinie Tempah, you're a sack of shit. Not quite sure about the hits thing, but I'm know you got about as many problems as a disciplined child!
Dick.
No. 7: Sexy I Know It - LMFAO (US: 57 / CA: 30)
LMFAO are a weird act. They were absolutely fucking massive for 1 year, than disappeared out of nowhere, only able to notch 2 hits that were fucking everywhere. There was Party Rock Anthem, which revisiting for this list reminded me how badly it's aged and how blinded we were to club music back in the day. And then there was this monstrosity of a song. Talk about a fucking headache inducing track. The production here is a fucking NIGHTMARE. The bass is ugly, grating, and one of the most annoying compositions to ever touch ANY song, let alone a pop song. Some compressed drums that sound completely out of place and sync, and a shitty percussion loop that sounds like a dick being repeatedly smashed against someones face. Which, I would say, is the perfect way to describe this song as a whole. Every single line here is gross, creepy, or awkward that just repeatedly makes you feel like you're taking left and right hooks from a massive cock. A Double Take from Dickfuck the Dongsmasher. The 1 2 swipe combo from the Penis of Pacific Palisades.
...onto the next song.
*sigh*
Canada fucked up, ok
No. 6: Judas - Lady Gaga (US: N/A / CA: 73)
America didn't let this get very popular. But we did, and now I have to pay for it by talking about it. And believe me, do I need to, because this is possibly Gaga's worst song to date. I'm not even gonna talk about the lyrics, because I have no idea what they mean, and I don't care. But this production is some of the most half assed I've ever seen hit the pop charts. First you got the chorus, which is this upbeat dark pop punk edge with a fucked melody and loud as hell everything to throw you overboard. Then there's an upbeat dance pop pre chorus that sounds all happy sunshine and rainbows, Katy Perry style. In case you didn't catch on, they don't transition very well, so the verses is this atrocious mesh of the two that is a glassy, dark wave Marilyn Manson on nyquil nonsense that doesn't fit Gaga at all.
Not to mention her voice either. Gaga doesn't have the biggest pipes, but she has more than enough to be an excellent pop star. So what is she doing here? She sounds so strained, and that's when she's not just fucking yelling. The worst vocal performance Gaga has ever given, hands down, and probably her worst song overall. A tonal catastrophe.
Look, I like this act, I really do. Even this year of 2011, they made songs I really liked, I even liked the album this song was on! But, that does not excuse the fucking trash that is this, and who else could deliver a song like this, other than the mastermind himself, Will.i.am.
No. 5: The Time (Dirty Bit) - The Black Eyed Peas (US: 37 / CA: 15)
First off: the sample. To be honest, I don't hate it. When Fergie is singing it, she kills it. It sounds pretty good! But then, it transitions *right* into the drop. The "Dirty Bit", as it's called. Fucking atrocious. But it's not just the drop that's bad, it's everything it touches. Because the dirty bit isn't just the drop, no that would make too much sense. No, it infests and poisons the rest of the song, and even slightly evolves as it goes on, only getting more and more obnoxious. This glitchy bass and synth just fingerfucking eachother in the front of the mix over a stock drum beat. THE PEAK OF POP MUSIC, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!! It's ear piercing to listen to. But I'd sure as hell take this beat over these fucking bars because, dear lord what are these guys doing. Even for party music this is fucking insulting.
First verse is Will, who actually doesn't do half bad. Other than the skin crawling Nelly reference and a few odd vocal effects, he's fine enough. But then you have Fergie, who I USUALLY look forward to sounding like she's gargling a massive amount of reverb and an equal amount of robotic semen. It's been a while since she's sounded THIS bad on a song. Since, fuck, London Bridge probably. But at least there she was sassy and vapid, having a fun time. Sure it was insufferable, but it was interesting and blaring, her performance has sizzle to it. This is just annoying, no force behind it. But I don't care much about these 2. We need to talk about Apl, and how he shoots this song up onto this list.
Everything about this verse is wrong, probably enough to make it's own list. So that's what I'll do. Here is a somewhat meta Top 10 What The Fuck Is This 3rd Wheel Doing!
10. Using the word "haters" unironically. Makes you look like a total loser, even in 2011.
9. This line
"All-all these girls, they like my swagger/They callin me Mick Jagger"
I mean, I get what you're going for. But Jagger was NOT the person you wanted to go for my dude. Also, you are yet another person to rhyme swagger with jagger, only reminding me of Kesha's magnum opus masterpiece TiK ToK, which blows this entire song out of the fucking water.
8. THIS line
"I be Rolling like a Stone/Jetsetter, jetlagger"
Fucking horrible word play.
7. THIS FUCKING LINE
"We ain't messin with no maggots"
Double whammy with this one. Not only is the line itself insanely stupid and oddly specific, Apl damn near ends the next line with "faggots" to rhyme it. Yeah, can't say I'm a fan to say the least,
6. His flow. It randomly falls off beat and switches up for no reason. Not stylistic choice or anything like that, just kinda seems like he wasn't aware they started recording yet.
5. The synth near the end that build up insanely high and extinguishes out of nowhere. It's like they didn't even listen to the fucking track when they finished it.
4. This line
"I'm the mack daddy y'all"
SO fucking creepy.
3. The rhyming on the first verse. Rhyming "Swagger" with "Jagger" with "Jet-lagger" just gives me a fucking brain shockwave.
2. This line
"Mirror, mirror on the wall/Who's the baddest of them all?"
See, this line could've been pretty fresh if it was Fergie sang it. Would've worked to her alpha male sassy persona, and it would've be emphasized to be slick as fuck. But when THIS fucktwit who looks like Pitbulls less famous brother from the future says it, it sounds fucking horrible.
1. Everything about this line
"Ladies {download your Ap'}/I'm the party application"
The app wordplay is kinda cringey, the creepiness of telling girls to basically download him (which could refer to a load of things I don't even WANT to get into), all delivered in this auto tuned meshed disaster.
And there you have it. If I somehow haven't given you enough information on why this is fucking ass, then I guess you have a stronger resilience to "club bullshit" than I EVER will.
This is certainly an unpopular one for a worst list. I don't think I've ever even seen it. I'm sure some people even like this song
I just have no fucking idea why.
No. 4: Rocketeer - Far East Movement ft Ryan Tedder (US: 58 / CA: 79)
Everything about this song is the blandest of the bland. The Curse of Piano of 2011 strikes again with this fucking piss stain. This is the limpest piano I've ever heard. It has no force, no emotion, no cream, no nothing, zilche fucking na da. Paired with the only other sounds being something that resembles a fucking gun shot and an alien with a speech impediment trying to contact us makes this one of the most accidental creepiest production in the past decade. It's the musical equivalent of freezing your hand til it's numb & blasting in under hot water. It's awful to think about, it's awful to listen to, it's awful to exist. All fucking awful. Then you got this fucking horrendous hook. Ryan Tedder's voice sounds about as sour as it can possibly get, it's never sounded worse than it does here. The structure of the song makes it all worse too, because the verses from Far East Movement are EXTREMELY short, both not even hitting 20 seconds long each. Meaning around 70% of this song is Ryan Tedder's ear bleeding waling over a satanic piano drum combo. Brilliant. But if I'm being honest, that's the GOOD part of the song. At least it's not these Far East Movement assholes who can't make a solid bar to save their fucking lives.
"Baby we can stay fly like a G6"
First rule of being a One Hit Wonder: Reference your previous smash hit in your next single to try and keep relevance. Oh, and you're a fucking idiot, just so you know.
"Girl you always on my mind, got my head up in the sky"
I think he was trying to go for some comparison between him being high and how this girl makes him feel, but all I can think of is him basically calling this girl an airhead. Nice job dude.
"Go on the next level, Super Mario/I hope this works out, cardio"
...I can't. I just fucking can't. They didn't write this, there's no way. No rapper, even a party rapper, can write this down and go "oh fuck yeah that's fire!". I just can't. I fucking can't.
"See I ain't never seen a star this close"
And there you have it, the most phoned in verse I've ever fucking heard. Amazing.
Nothing in this song works. Every transition between verse and chorus sounds forced and awkward, the 2 artists don't remotely match and I don't know who the fuck thought they would, the performances are half assed to the max, and this song doesn't do ANYTHING interesting. It's the most boring song on the 2011 year end, there's NOTHING here to enjoy, because the entire song is nothing, 3 and a half minutes of eating butter off a wooden spoon. Fucking useless.
Say what you will about Far East Movement, at least they weren't fucking auto tuned.
No. 3: Backseat - New Boyz ft The Cataracs & Dev (US: 84 / CA: N/A)
God, where the fuck to start with this one. I guess I should remind you of the New Boyz since everyone's forgotten about them by now. So, New Boyz, I have no clue who these dudes are. They had half a dozen top 40 hits, and multiple of them touching the top 20, yet I don't know anything about these dudes. All I know is that I fucking hate them. This is Rae Sremmurd if you threw them into the early 2010s club boom. This song was the New Boyz last glimpse of fame, and it is fucking insufferable. This song was obviously made for the club, I can tell from the first 5 seconds that's what it's going for. So, that being said, can someone please explain to me why the FUCK this is the beat they chose. The chorus seems specially made to off center and explode people's brains. Drums and percussion colliding into each other at the same time, some fucking motorbike screech that could also be a lady squealing at her highest octave, and of course, the synth line. This infamous synth line. Not only does it just sound absolutely fucking obnoxious, it also decides to switch up melodies and tones every chorus, somehow becoming even worse as the song goes on.
Then you got Dev. I kinda liked Dev, she's certainly an interesting performer. But here, she is diagnosed with Sample White Girl On Hook Syndrome, meaning she was just punching time on this one. But if you don't like Dev, that's fine, because her voice just falls underneath the beat and you can barely hear her anyways! That's a big problem this song has is the auto tune and vocal filters. All 3 people on this song are drowning in it, so whenever they say anything, their voice makes the most annoying sound on the fucking planet, blends into the production, and makes everything sound more messy and slimy. The pre chorus, given it's melody, is the worst example, which just smashes New Boy No. 2's voice into dust and starts shredding his bars all over the fucking place. Musical version of a nail slowly being driven into your dickhole. And the bars themselves? Possibly the worst wordplay of the year.
"Camaro, long stick, she just tryin to fuck comfortably"
Ok either your girl is literally fucking a Camaro (which wouldn't be the first time I've heard this, actually), or you're comparing yourself to a Camaro. Either way, I hope your dick gets run over by one.
"She like my orange Camaro, she said let's ride up and trick or treat"
Not touchin that one. Saying a line about fucking then following it up with a rather childish activity is all sorts of fucked up, so I'll give you a mulligan on this one.
Near the end of the verse this dude just starts repeating "damn girl!", and you start to notice how BAD these guys are as rappers. This dude is constantly falling off the beat, even using one of the most basic ass flows you possibly could. VERY embarrassing. But, he's still better than his buddy in crime, who drops one of the worst verses of the entire fucking decade.
"Ay girl, what's up? All of this dancin gets you off, huh??"
...what does this mean? Is she just fingering herself on the fucking dancefloor?
Eh, I won't judge.
"I noticed you because yo friends is freakin' star struck"
So you noticed how hot she was her FRIENDS are so hot? This is the most fuckboi song of the god damn century.
"And you got mo' of that, how you say it? Shy swag"
ok that's fucking hilarious I'll give you that one.
"Oh, you a good girl? It's cool, I play pretend, too
I heard you had a baby, you want a New Boy in you?"
Aaaaaaaaand that's fucking disgusting. Lovely. Never change boys.
But after all of that, the worst part is still the bridge, where one of the New Boyz (I can't be fucked to keep track of who's who at this point) just repeats the line "I met a group of girls in the Escalade" over and over until the track completely collapses onto itself. It fucking hurts to listen to a song this incompetent. A forgotten trainwreck of a song, from a forgotten duo, forgotten feature, and a forgotten producer. Fuck this song and fuck anyone who took a part in it.
I like country music. A fair bit more than most pop heads, might I add. I like the more indie side of things like Sturgil Simpson, and I like the goofy bro country side like Jake Owen too. With all that being said, this song is fucking inexcusable.
No. 2: Country Girl (Shake It For Me) - Luke Bryan (US: 81 / CA: N/A)
This is, from what I can tell, the first bro country to gain major traction. This was our warning signal. Our one chance to knock one of the worst genres to ever touch the mainstream out of popular consciousness. And we bought the fucking shit out of it. We allowed this shit to happen. Not only that, we allowed this EXACT same song to happen half a dozen fucking times. Because make no mistake, Luke Bryan dedicated his entire career after this to recreating this very song over and over again, and it worked again and again up until 2017. It took us 6 years to catch on to how bad of an idea this is. And believe me, is this fucking dogshit. This is the lamest, fakest country groove I've EVER heard, period. Fake drums, plastic guitars, a plicky banjo, all absolute fucking horseshit. Fuck, even the GUITAR SOLO sounds fake as fuck. The only thing keeping this song country is a harmonica that's played so infrequently because the producers didn't want you to hear it. They wanted you to hear a pop song, that was the goal of this song. Which is why, despite there being quite a lot going on in the song, it all goes unnoticed. None of the instruments in this song actually matter, it's all about Luke Bryan's voice and what he's saying: which is my exact problem.
I have no problem with ass shaking songs, I truly don't. I have one rule: make it fun. Don't even need a brain, just make it fun for fucks sake. Shake it Fast by Rae Sremmurd & Juicy J is fun, Wiggle is not. This definitely falls into the latter. The lyrics are all sorts of subtley gross, and not in a ridiculous fun way, but in a very...odd way.
"Shake it for the young bucks sittin' in the honky-tonks
For the rednecks rockin' 'til the break of dawn
For the DJ spinnin' that country song
Come on, come on, come on
Shake it for the birds, shake it for the bees
Shake it for the catfish swimming down deep in the creek
For the crickets and the critters and the squirrels
Shake it to the moon, shake it for me girl, aww"
Everything about this weirds me the fuck out. Just the way he's so insisting on making this girl shake her ass, trying to convince her by saying she's doing it for various people other than himself just rubs me ALL the wrong way.
"Somebody's sweet little farmer's child/With a gattle in her Bud to get a little wild"
And then he tries to imply how much of a "sweet innocent girl" she is and oh my fucking god it makes my blood boil it's SO fucking creepy.
But what makes it all worse is Luke Bryan's delivery. On the chorus, he's fine (for the most part), he has pipes and charisma, he's not a shit performer. But the verses has has charisma placed...wrong. He has this more lowkey and ugly draw to his voice that makes any line he delivers a bit more disturbing than it should be for an upbeat "country" ass shaking anthem.
"Tangle me up like grandma's yarn, yeah, yeah, yeah"
Oh yeah, and that. There's that. That's weird I guess.
I can't fucking stand this song, it legitimately makes my skin crawl. I hated all this songs renditions, the cringier That's My Kind Of Night, the ugly Kick The Dust Up, the legit broken disaster Moves, but I will always consider THIS to be the worst of them all. It's an absolute failure that gave an entire shitty subgenre credence. Fuck right off. But somehow, it's not the worst of the year. And neither are these 7 honorable mentions to build up fake suspense.
D.M 1: Tonight Tonight - Hot Chelle Rae (US: 32 / CA: 72)
I used to LOATHE this beyond stupid, flavourless pop rock. But it's innocent, I guess. No point in taking it seriously.
D.M 2: Dirt Road Anthem - Jason Aldean (US: 43 / CA: N/A)
Country + rap = B A D
D.M 3: Pretty Girl Rock - Keri Hilson (US: 70 / CA: N/A)
From the lyrics of these songs, the only fair way I feel I can judge this song is a harsh critique of her looks.
...DMs it is.
D.M 4: On The Floor - J. Lo ft Pitbull (US: 11 / CA: 3)
This beat is fucking nauseating. Rest is tolerable.
D.M 5: Jar Of Hearts - Christina Perry (US: 55 / CA: 78)
These lyrics are horrifying when you think about them. Lana Del Ray kicked up to 11. Not my thing.
D.M 6: Stereo Hearts - Gym Class Heroes ft Adam Levine (US: 36 / CA: 54)
I fucking hate Gym Class Heroes, but I hate this stereo metaphor even more.
D.M 7: Firework - Katy Perry (US: 3 / CA: 8)
(insert joke about Katy Perry's tits)
I don't like to shit on songs right out of the gate. When I look at a song, with it's writers and producers and whatever, I can see at least 1 thing that can have potential. Something that can salvage enjoyment in an otherwise dreary song. But when I saw this song, there was nothing to look forward to. Every angle leads to death. And who could have gave us this other than the queen of shit herself: Alyssa Reid.
No. 1: Alone Again - Alyssa Reid ft P Reign (US: N/A / CA: 24)
Yeah yeah, it's my No. 1. Surprise Surprise. But it's my no. 1 for a reason, because it checks all the boxes for how not to make a pop song. First off, the fucking sample. This song samples the beautiful 1983 track "Alone" by Heart, a powerful and chilling pop ballad that also has a ton of energy and emotion behind it. THIS fucking disgusting mess gives the hook to Alyssa Reid, who could not be more off the mark. I can't tell if she's not going for the notes because she knows she can't hit them, or she doesn't know she SHOULD be hitting them. Either way, she's fucking helpless. Her voice is void of personality, emotion, fucking ANYTHING. An empty husk of a persona, you could've dragged any hot chick off the street and she would've done a better job. She sounds horrific, end of story. And this rapper dude is possibly just as bad, dropping some of the fakest "deep" horseshit ever.
"I sit back and reminisce, it hurts to think about it all/We was on top of the world, whoever thought that we would fall"
Fucking meaningless. Actually fucking meaningless.
"I feel like spiderman, you got me flying off of the wall"
Worst line of the year ladies and gentleman. The absolute fucking worst.
"I ain't wanna leave, but still I had to go/'Cause what goods a rainbow without my pot of gold"
This song is a fucking goldmine of awful lyrics. "My pot of gold" my ass, get this shit out of here. Pathetic. this barely counts as a bar.
Then there comes the production, which is mostly the same stuff they completely ripped from the sample. But they decided it'd be a good idea to add these fucking terrible claps and foggy drums which are so ungodly out of place, because they only added them so the rapper had a beat to rap over and so it'd get airplay. Because who cares about cohesiveness or artistic integrity right? But enough of that, let's get back to this shit rap verse.
"And they say that love costs/Consider this a freebie"
NOPE. FUCK THIS. NOT DOING IT. I'M DONE.
But this song was just the fucking beginning for Alyssa Reid. She couldn't stand just ruining this song once, she wanted to drag this sample through the fucking MUD. She used the pre chorus as her own pre chorus for The Game, where she doesn't credit Alone AT ALL. Then you have her song "Alone Pt.2", which samples this song AGAIN and replaces the rap verses in Alone Again with her own shitty lines such as
"Can you stop the screaming?/Did you stop believing?"
Which is just one of the worst things ever written, let alone in a song. But that still wasn't enough, because she went and did a fucking FRENCH VERSION with a different fucking rapper. All 4 of these songs are separately for sale. You fucking whore.
But of course the worst part of Alone Again is still in the song itself, which is the bridge, shooting this song up to the top slot. Where Alyssa steals the verse of the original (because the hook wasn't enough, she needed to take the WHOLE FUCKING SONG), and sings it with the weakest vocal performance she's ever given. But then you hear the build up, and the build up, and then the song explodes into...absolutely nothing. It just floats into the same old shitty chorus. In case you haven't heard the original Heart version, allow me to explain why this is bad: THEY FORGOT THE FUCKING KEY CHANGE. Oh, but it's no big deal, it's only one of the most satisfying key changes of all fucking time that Alyssa could have belted her plugged nose strained cat screeching grating cum glazed falsetto with. But no, they don't even try, because that would be too much effort. This song does the least amount of work it possibly could. Absolutely NOTHING about this song remotely works. The separate parts don't match, the narrative is a twisted clusterfuck of "love you, love you not" bullshit, Alyssa's fucked up voice, the wack ass bars from this shitty fucktwit who has no idea what the fuck he's talking about, the fucking terrible hip hop elements they tried to squeeze in for mainstream appeal like the slimy fucking hacks they are, and worst of all, the absolute lack of shine, polish, energy, emotion, or even EFFORT put into this fucking abomination. I am more than happy to claim this song as the Worst of 2011 and one of the worst songs ever created. Thank you and fuck us all.
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