The winter is the weirdest time for Billboard to me. Songs can hit the top 20 or maybe have solid staying power, but since it didn't get all of it's week's points in 1 year, it has a chance of not making the Year End, despite again being a certified hit. This is why I feel the Winter Top 20 is the most important ranking to ever do, to cover the songs you might not have been able to cover otherwise (and yes I totally did this review just so I can talk about Bad Things fuck you).
SHIT (0/5)
20. Bad Things - Machine Gun Kelly & Camilla Cabello
I heard this song the minute it came out. Spotify updates at 9pm for me every week on Thursday evening, and I heard this song at 9pm on the dot. I expected the lowest of the low from a team up from Camilla Cabello, by far the worst (former) member of Fifth Harmony, and Machine Gun Kelly, that one white rapper that is REALLY as bad as everyone says white rappers are. Yet somehow, I'm still dissapointed. I was confident that Camilla was going to absolutely ruin this hook. What I DIDN'T expect, was for her to ruin 2.
"Am I out of my head?/Am I out of my mind?/If you only knew the bad things I like/Don't think that I can explain it/What can I say, it's complicated"
That's right. She sampled "Out of my Head" by Fastball, a song that few remember, but those few absolutely love. My problem isn't really the fact that she sampled the hook. Sure it's lazy as fuck to just take a hook from another song and slap it onto yours, but whatever, I can at least forget about it. However, she didn't just sample the entire hook. She changed 1 line slightly, and managed to ruin the entire fucking thing.
"Don't matter what you say/Don't matter what you do/I _only_ wanna do bad things to you/So good, that you can't explain it/What can I say, it's complicated"
She fucking sexualized Out of My Head. You know, the song about SADNESS & REGRET YOU FUCKING CUNT. Fucking disgusting.
Machine Gun Kelly isn't much better either.
"And you're my drug/Breathe you in 'til my face numb"
Wack.
"I got what you dream about"
W a c k.
"And you keep me in with those hips/While my teeth sink in those lips/While your body's giving me life/And you suffocate in my kiss"
WACK.
"Let me paint the picture/Couch by the kitchen/Nothin' but your heels on/Losing our religion/You're my pretty little vixen"
F U C K I N G W A C K.
19. Closer - The Chainsmokers ft Halsey
Not talking about this one again. Check my Worst Hit Songs Of 2016 list for my full thoughts. Long story short: I can't fucking stand it.
18. Don't Wanna Know - Maroon 5 ft Kendrick Lamar
I can't fucking believe it. Maroon 5 sold out for a SECOND time. Did you know that This Love came out 13 years ago? Isn't that horrifying? Maroon 5 lost all integrity as an actual band around 7 years ago, and have been coasting out hits because the radio for some reason loves them. I don't get why honestly, because this is just nothing. It doesn't even service enough bland mediocrity to be radio fodder, it's just nothing. An absolute nothing of a song. It's just missing so much shit in it. A guitar, a crescendo, a good Kendrick Lamar verse, a bass, and every member of Maroon 5 apart from Adam Levine. I refuse to believe this was made by an ACTUAL band, because it wasn't. It's tropical pop bullshit trying to ride a trend into the ground, and I can't wait for it to be forgotten in a year or two.
17. Juju On That Beat (TZ Anthem) - some fucking kids idk
Easily my least favourite Vine hit so far. "Sampled" beat, like 8 complete bars, just overall lazy as shit. It barely cracks the 2 minute mark, and has no energy to make up for it. Fuck they couldn't even fade the song out, it just fucking hard cuts out, like some demo shit. That's the most fitting description for this song: a demo. It explains the unchanged "sample", the wack bars (probably free styled), and the very short run time. It's barely a song, so I can barely care about it.
BAD (1/5)
16. I Don't Wanna Live Forever - ZaYn / Taylor Swift
So this is the big song from the 50 Shades Darker movie, huh? It's about as boring and bland as I expected. Taylor actually does surprisingly decent, and I guess the lyrics aren't horrible considering it's for a 50 Shades movie, but that's where the minimal praise ends for this song. The production is incredibly under mixed, but it's not like this beat would've had any impact anyways. Fuck Work by Rihanna, THIS beat sounds absolutely unfinished. You got bass, claps, and...a piano key, or possibly a synth, I can't really tell. Again, this sounds so underweight, might as well have been a capella. While again, Taylor isn't bad, she has absolutely no chemistry with ZaYn and his ear piercing falsetto that I cannot stand. I'm around 90% sure the only reason Taylor got on this track was so she could keep her name in the spotlight while she's in between albums. This is just flat forgettable garbage, barely goes in 1 ear, and flies straight out of the other if it does.
15. Bad and Boujee - Migos ft Lil Uzi Vert
This hit No. 1. The top spot. At one time, this was the biggest song in America. I don't get it. This shouldn't be allowed.
I'm not saying that just because I think it's bad by the way. I mean, yeah I think it's bad, but we've had bad No. 1s before. It's just...ok, all No. 1s have a sound to them of a No. 1 hit. For example, go back and listen to Like a G6 from 7 years ago. Is the song good? Of course not, it's horrendous. But are you surprised at all it hit No. 1? Probably not. That's because it has THAT sound to it. This however...eh? Standard flap trap beat, dark, damp, boring atmosphere, lazy hook, and a garbage guest verse. It checks all the boxes for "Standard Trap Banger That Peaks In The Mid-30s". But of course, the internet is a powerful thing now, and a meme caused this song to sky rocket to the top. Not mad or anything, just shocked & dissapointed.
14. Shape Of You - Ed Sherran
This is so fucking confusing. I mean, I get that tropical sounds is the trend, and I expect a large list of pop stars to ride this trend til it dies. One of those people I DIDN'T expect to do it was Ed Sherran. This is not close to the type of song he usually makes. And you can tell, because despite the tropical production being pretty decent, Ed's vocals, lyrics, & just the overall tone is so fucking soulless. I don't really *get* this song. The plucky guitar, simplistic drums & and some tropical synths sound solid, damn near good. It shouldn't be lacking so much depth & energy, all the materials are there for a good song. Even ignoring the fact that this is a sellout track & Ed very clearly didn't want to make this, the song shouldn't be this empty. And these lyrics...fuck me...
"Girl, you know I want your love/Your love was handmade for somebody like me"
Some John Mayer shit right here. And the titular line isn't helping either.
"I'm in love with the shape of you"
This line reminds me WAY too much of "Your Body is a Wonderland", a song we all collectively hate. So I can't imagine this being much more well received either.
Aaaaannnnnnndddd it hit No. 1. Debuted there too. The general public is so stupid sometimes. This is a massive blemish on Ed Sherran's career. He'll look back on this in 3 years and go "Wow, was I REALLY that desperate?"
13. Heathens - Twenty One Pilots
I get why people like this. It's got that creepy atmosphere, it fits well with the Suicide Squad in tone. As well as quality, because this remains garbage to me. I'm sure there's a bunch of really bad production choices, lyrics, and vocal spots I can harp on, but all I care about is those back up vocals that go through the entire song. Holy fucking shit is it the most annoying thing in a top 3 hit I've heard in a LONG time. Kills the entire song for me to be honest.
MEH (2/5)
12. Fake Love - Drake
Objectively, this horrible. Some warped Hotline Bling type beat with random sirens, percussion that sounds like someone eating Captain Crunch, a synth that can't decide if it has a rhythm or not, and a basic as hell melody that gets old fast. But I'm sorry, this is hilarious to me. Drake's vocals are so ridiculous & over the top I can't help but mildly enjoy this. Mildly. Sure it's a bit grating, incredibly corny, incredibly insufferable, and total fucking bullshit, it's still hilarious. It's like if Young Thug covered Real Friends by Kanye West, which is something so dumb & ridiculous the thought alone puts a smile on my face. Good song? No. Enjoyable? Sure, why not?
11. Let Me Love You - DJ Snake ft Justin Bieber
Christ DJ Snake, what the fuck happened to you? DJ Snake used to be an excellent producer who made interesting & wiry trap bangers. But now? He sounds like Major fucking Laser. Oh and great job getting Justin Bieber too, one of the very few artists who's popular right now that have absolutely no vocal personality. Just brilliant. This isn't a horrible song, as an EDM track it actually works quite well, but I'd personally throw this David Guetta trash in the bicycle bin.
10. Castle On The Hill - Ed Sherran
So this is the Ed Sherran song people are actually liking, and I see why. Instead of some shameless garbage like Shape Of You, Ed is more in his wheelhouse, and he's always been a solid writer. Everyone who's heard this song has already made the 7 Years comparison, and I have to say this song does it a lot better. I'm not sure what the main difference is, but this feels more genuine & real to me, opposed to the humble brag bullshit of 7 Years. I overall dig the lyrics, which is something I usually NEVER do for a pop song!
Unfortunately, there comes the production. This is going to sound stupid, but here goes nothing: This sounds way too much like a Coke Commercial.
Yes, you could argue that isn't necessarily a BAD thing, but I'd argue that it absolutely is, along with every song that sounds made to soundtrack a commercial. Do you remember The Walker? Do you remember how much you never want to fucking her it again? The problem with commercial fodder (specifically Coke commercials) is how bland & soulless everything sounds, and dear lord is it true with this. Thick drums, limp guitar that is shattered under the mix when the chorus comes along, & this dumb shitty high pitched elongated yelp that tops everything off. In short, a sound I absolutely cannot listen to.
Look, this isn't bad per say, it's actually quite decent. I just never want to fucking listen to it. E V E R.
9. Bounce Back - Big Sean
I want to like this. I dig the beat, Sean's flow is on point, his voice isn't annoying like it usually is, it's like Big Sean is actually becoming a competent rapper now! But I'm sorry, a rap songs most important isn't necessarily the content, but the bars & rhymes, and Sean just has way too much wack shit for me to give this a complete pass.
"Look, I cut that bitch off like an edit"
That's something I'd come up with in 6th grade.
"I'ma always lose my temper/You cannot "count to ten" me"
o h m y f u c k i n g g o d
DECENT (3/5)
8. Scars To Your Beautiful - Alessia Cara
I'm one of the few people I know who still seem to like Alessia Cara, and that's sad honestly. She's incredibly talented & a very interesting song writer. So it's fitting the next single she picked was the self empowerment anthem. I mean, I dig it, it's production is decent outside of the drums on the chorus, and Alessia brings enough personality & charisma to distract from the genericness of the track, but I'm still sad this is here. "I'm Yours" and especially "Four Pink Walls" are just sitting on your album waiting to be singles, waiting to make the public remember of that interesting spark you have, but nope. You pushed this. Whatever, I'll take it.
7. Starboy - The Weeknd ft Daft Punk
I like it. I really do. But something holds it back. The lyrics are cool, The Weeknd has a solid performance, the production is nice, I should love this. The only thing I see as a problem is I don't think The Weeknd matches well with the production Daft Punk gave him. Maybe it just needs more time to grow on me, I have no clue. For now, it's decent.
GOOD (4/5)
6. Black Beatles - Rae Sremurred ft Gucci Mane
I don't know about this one. I shouldn't really like this at all, let alone as much as I do. Lyrically off topic & scatter shot, Rae Sremurred are still borderline incompetent rappers, Gucci Mane isn't too far off, and the beat is good, but it aint THAT good. But fuck, I'd be lying if I said I didn't totally dig this. Not much to say about this one. Everyone's gave it a pass, and I'm doing the same (Oh btw Set The Roof should have been the bigger song ffs)
5. Caroline - Amine
I. Don't. Fucking. Know. I really hate to do 2 of these type of entries in a row, but I just don't understand the appeal to this. The production is fucked, the lyrics range from absolutely adorable to infuriating enough to punch a wall, and this Amine dude sounds like Chance the Rapper if you swapped out the weed for antidepressants. It's all so fucking terrible. And I love it. Not even in the "so bad it's good" way like Don't Mind or something, like I genuinely love this. Fuck it man, who cares.
GREAT (5/5)
4. 24K Magic - Bruno Mars
After the modern masterpiece that was Uptown Funk, Bruno had a lot to live up to, and ho boy did he deliver. This is just awesome. It's like if New Jack Swing was tortured by synthesizers for 6 months. It's arrogant, braggadocios, cocky as all hell, but backed up with enough swagger and charisma to make it worth. Excellent track, and it's not even my favourite on his good at best album!
3. Broccoli - D.R.A.M ft Lil Yachty
Absolutely adorable. Dram bringing up shit like SEGA & sandwiches that are served on a square plate over this simplistic trap beat mixed with a very light happy piano that reminds me of a higher pitched version of the piano from 20 Dollar Nosebleed by Fall Out Boy (one of my favourite song of all time) is just wonderfully pleasent to the ears. I even like Lil Yachty's verse! Sure that Columbine line was a tad fucked up, but when he hits you with that "hey lil mama would you like to be my sunshine?" line before it, it completely softens the blow for me, and thus my heart swoons. One of the most fun songs of 2016, and that's gotta count for something, right?
2. Side To Side - Ariana Grande ft Nicki Minaj
I am still surprised how much I like this one, considering how fucking sick of the reggae trend I am at this point. But this song works wonders. People have complained how there isn't much going on in the production, and how Ariana's vocals aren't on point, and I get it, but that song doesn't need those 2 things. The sometimes off-key vocals & basic but clear production is supposed to outline how this song is and does survive on raw ego alone. Both Ari and Nicki are fucking filthy on this track, and they're screaming the most see-through innuendos loud and proud. But the difference between this and say Cake By The Ocean is simple. CBTO is gross & surprisingly bland. Sex on the beach aint new. But Ariana talking about getting fucked so hard she can't walk straight? And she got this to be played on the radio very often? I love it. I'm not gonna call it sexy or anything like some people say (nothing sexy about Nicki using a tricycle as a innuendo for threesome). But it works well for what it wants to be: a vile dirty song that's still catchy as fuck.
1. Love On The Brain - Rihanna
I usually don't like songs like these, let alone to the extent of making it my favourite song in the top 20. But this isn't lower standards like most of 2016. I fucking adore everything about this. The massive amount of swing and buildup the song has, the structured and very ballad-like production, and especially how the beautiful synth and soft guitar play off each other incredibly well on the explosive chorus. But what sells me on this song the most is Rihanna's performance. It's so...flawed. But that's what makes me love it. I've never been a huge fan of ballads if I'm being honest, and I finally realized why when I listened to this song. It's never been the slow tempo, the minimal production, but the singer themselves. Artists like Adele just belt these notes and hit them so forcefully is impressive sure, VERY impressive. But it gets dry to me, I lose interest very quickly. But to hear Rihanna hit maybe 3/5ths of the notes she's going for at most, and how she subtly keeps slipping into her accent adds so much flavour into the song for me. Those "ow ow ow owwwwwwwww"s are brilliant, and that pre-chorus is what goddamn dreams are made of. It's so fucking raw, passionate, and yet still bright and catchy. I can't get enough of it. Not necessarily the best single she's ever released (Pon De Replay holds the crown for what will probably be her entire career), but this is definitely up there.
So, that's the top 20. It's...alright. 46/100 isn't bad, especially when the worst songs are 2016 leftovers/songs that are already fading. I'm actually for your music 2017, don't fucking disappoint me.
SHIT (0/5)
20. Bad Things - Machine Gun Kelly & Camilla Cabello
I heard this song the minute it came out. Spotify updates at 9pm for me every week on Thursday evening, and I heard this song at 9pm on the dot. I expected the lowest of the low from a team up from Camilla Cabello, by far the worst (former) member of Fifth Harmony, and Machine Gun Kelly, that one white rapper that is REALLY as bad as everyone says white rappers are. Yet somehow, I'm still dissapointed. I was confident that Camilla was going to absolutely ruin this hook. What I DIDN'T expect, was for her to ruin 2.
"Am I out of my head?/Am I out of my mind?/If you only knew the bad things I like/Don't think that I can explain it/What can I say, it's complicated"
That's right. She sampled "Out of my Head" by Fastball, a song that few remember, but those few absolutely love. My problem isn't really the fact that she sampled the hook. Sure it's lazy as fuck to just take a hook from another song and slap it onto yours, but whatever, I can at least forget about it. However, she didn't just sample the entire hook. She changed 1 line slightly, and managed to ruin the entire fucking thing.
"Don't matter what you say/Don't matter what you do/I _only_ wanna do bad things to you/So good, that you can't explain it/What can I say, it's complicated"
She fucking sexualized Out of My Head. You know, the song about SADNESS & REGRET YOU FUCKING CUNT. Fucking disgusting.
Machine Gun Kelly isn't much better either.
"And you're my drug/Breathe you in 'til my face numb"
Wack.
"I got what you dream about"
W a c k.
"And you keep me in with those hips/While my teeth sink in those lips/While your body's giving me life/And you suffocate in my kiss"
WACK.
"Let me paint the picture/Couch by the kitchen/Nothin' but your heels on/Losing our religion/You're my pretty little vixen"
F U C K I N G W A C K.
19. Closer - The Chainsmokers ft Halsey
Not talking about this one again. Check my Worst Hit Songs Of 2016 list for my full thoughts. Long story short: I can't fucking stand it.
18. Don't Wanna Know - Maroon 5 ft Kendrick Lamar
I can't fucking believe it. Maroon 5 sold out for a SECOND time. Did you know that This Love came out 13 years ago? Isn't that horrifying? Maroon 5 lost all integrity as an actual band around 7 years ago, and have been coasting out hits because the radio for some reason loves them. I don't get why honestly, because this is just nothing. It doesn't even service enough bland mediocrity to be radio fodder, it's just nothing. An absolute nothing of a song. It's just missing so much shit in it. A guitar, a crescendo, a good Kendrick Lamar verse, a bass, and every member of Maroon 5 apart from Adam Levine. I refuse to believe this was made by an ACTUAL band, because it wasn't. It's tropical pop bullshit trying to ride a trend into the ground, and I can't wait for it to be forgotten in a year or two.
17. Juju On That Beat (TZ Anthem) - some fucking kids idk
Easily my least favourite Vine hit so far. "Sampled" beat, like 8 complete bars, just overall lazy as shit. It barely cracks the 2 minute mark, and has no energy to make up for it. Fuck they couldn't even fade the song out, it just fucking hard cuts out, like some demo shit. That's the most fitting description for this song: a demo. It explains the unchanged "sample", the wack bars (probably free styled), and the very short run time. It's barely a song, so I can barely care about it.
BAD (1/5)
16. I Don't Wanna Live Forever - ZaYn / Taylor Swift
So this is the big song from the 50 Shades Darker movie, huh? It's about as boring and bland as I expected. Taylor actually does surprisingly decent, and I guess the lyrics aren't horrible considering it's for a 50 Shades movie, but that's where the minimal praise ends for this song. The production is incredibly under mixed, but it's not like this beat would've had any impact anyways. Fuck Work by Rihanna, THIS beat sounds absolutely unfinished. You got bass, claps, and...a piano key, or possibly a synth, I can't really tell. Again, this sounds so underweight, might as well have been a capella. While again, Taylor isn't bad, she has absolutely no chemistry with ZaYn and his ear piercing falsetto that I cannot stand. I'm around 90% sure the only reason Taylor got on this track was so she could keep her name in the spotlight while she's in between albums. This is just flat forgettable garbage, barely goes in 1 ear, and flies straight out of the other if it does.
15. Bad and Boujee - Migos ft Lil Uzi Vert
This hit No. 1. The top spot. At one time, this was the biggest song in America. I don't get it. This shouldn't be allowed.
I'm not saying that just because I think it's bad by the way. I mean, yeah I think it's bad, but we've had bad No. 1s before. It's just...ok, all No. 1s have a sound to them of a No. 1 hit. For example, go back and listen to Like a G6 from 7 years ago. Is the song good? Of course not, it's horrendous. But are you surprised at all it hit No. 1? Probably not. That's because it has THAT sound to it. This however...eh? Standard flap trap beat, dark, damp, boring atmosphere, lazy hook, and a garbage guest verse. It checks all the boxes for "Standard Trap Banger That Peaks In The Mid-30s". But of course, the internet is a powerful thing now, and a meme caused this song to sky rocket to the top. Not mad or anything, just shocked & dissapointed.
14. Shape Of You - Ed Sherran
This is so fucking confusing. I mean, I get that tropical sounds is the trend, and I expect a large list of pop stars to ride this trend til it dies. One of those people I DIDN'T expect to do it was Ed Sherran. This is not close to the type of song he usually makes. And you can tell, because despite the tropical production being pretty decent, Ed's vocals, lyrics, & just the overall tone is so fucking soulless. I don't really *get* this song. The plucky guitar, simplistic drums & and some tropical synths sound solid, damn near good. It shouldn't be lacking so much depth & energy, all the materials are there for a good song. Even ignoring the fact that this is a sellout track & Ed very clearly didn't want to make this, the song shouldn't be this empty. And these lyrics...fuck me...
"Girl, you know I want your love/Your love was handmade for somebody like me"
Some John Mayer shit right here. And the titular line isn't helping either.
"I'm in love with the shape of you"
This line reminds me WAY too much of "Your Body is a Wonderland", a song we all collectively hate. So I can't imagine this being much more well received either.
Aaaaannnnnnndddd it hit No. 1. Debuted there too. The general public is so stupid sometimes. This is a massive blemish on Ed Sherran's career. He'll look back on this in 3 years and go "Wow, was I REALLY that desperate?"
13. Heathens - Twenty One Pilots
I get why people like this. It's got that creepy atmosphere, it fits well with the Suicide Squad in tone. As well as quality, because this remains garbage to me. I'm sure there's a bunch of really bad production choices, lyrics, and vocal spots I can harp on, but all I care about is those back up vocals that go through the entire song. Holy fucking shit is it the most annoying thing in a top 3 hit I've heard in a LONG time. Kills the entire song for me to be honest.
MEH (2/5)
12. Fake Love - Drake
Objectively, this horrible. Some warped Hotline Bling type beat with random sirens, percussion that sounds like someone eating Captain Crunch, a synth that can't decide if it has a rhythm or not, and a basic as hell melody that gets old fast. But I'm sorry, this is hilarious to me. Drake's vocals are so ridiculous & over the top I can't help but mildly enjoy this. Mildly. Sure it's a bit grating, incredibly corny, incredibly insufferable, and total fucking bullshit, it's still hilarious. It's like if Young Thug covered Real Friends by Kanye West, which is something so dumb & ridiculous the thought alone puts a smile on my face. Good song? No. Enjoyable? Sure, why not?
11. Let Me Love You - DJ Snake ft Justin Bieber
Christ DJ Snake, what the fuck happened to you? DJ Snake used to be an excellent producer who made interesting & wiry trap bangers. But now? He sounds like Major fucking Laser. Oh and great job getting Justin Bieber too, one of the very few artists who's popular right now that have absolutely no vocal personality. Just brilliant. This isn't a horrible song, as an EDM track it actually works quite well, but I'd personally throw this David Guetta trash in the bicycle bin.
10. Castle On The Hill - Ed Sherran
So this is the Ed Sherran song people are actually liking, and I see why. Instead of some shameless garbage like Shape Of You, Ed is more in his wheelhouse, and he's always been a solid writer. Everyone who's heard this song has already made the 7 Years comparison, and I have to say this song does it a lot better. I'm not sure what the main difference is, but this feels more genuine & real to me, opposed to the humble brag bullshit of 7 Years. I overall dig the lyrics, which is something I usually NEVER do for a pop song!
Unfortunately, there comes the production. This is going to sound stupid, but here goes nothing: This sounds way too much like a Coke Commercial.
Yes, you could argue that isn't necessarily a BAD thing, but I'd argue that it absolutely is, along with every song that sounds made to soundtrack a commercial. Do you remember The Walker? Do you remember how much you never want to fucking her it again? The problem with commercial fodder (specifically Coke commercials) is how bland & soulless everything sounds, and dear lord is it true with this. Thick drums, limp guitar that is shattered under the mix when the chorus comes along, & this dumb shitty high pitched elongated yelp that tops everything off. In short, a sound I absolutely cannot listen to.
Look, this isn't bad per say, it's actually quite decent. I just never want to fucking listen to it. E V E R.
9. Bounce Back - Big Sean
I want to like this. I dig the beat, Sean's flow is on point, his voice isn't annoying like it usually is, it's like Big Sean is actually becoming a competent rapper now! But I'm sorry, a rap songs most important isn't necessarily the content, but the bars & rhymes, and Sean just has way too much wack shit for me to give this a complete pass.
"Look, I cut that bitch off like an edit"
That's something I'd come up with in 6th grade.
"I'ma always lose my temper/You cannot "count to ten" me"
o h m y f u c k i n g g o d
DECENT (3/5)
8. Scars To Your Beautiful - Alessia Cara
I'm one of the few people I know who still seem to like Alessia Cara, and that's sad honestly. She's incredibly talented & a very interesting song writer. So it's fitting the next single she picked was the self empowerment anthem. I mean, I dig it, it's production is decent outside of the drums on the chorus, and Alessia brings enough personality & charisma to distract from the genericness of the track, but I'm still sad this is here. "I'm Yours" and especially "Four Pink Walls" are just sitting on your album waiting to be singles, waiting to make the public remember of that interesting spark you have, but nope. You pushed this. Whatever, I'll take it.
7. Starboy - The Weeknd ft Daft Punk
I like it. I really do. But something holds it back. The lyrics are cool, The Weeknd has a solid performance, the production is nice, I should love this. The only thing I see as a problem is I don't think The Weeknd matches well with the production Daft Punk gave him. Maybe it just needs more time to grow on me, I have no clue. For now, it's decent.
GOOD (4/5)
6. Black Beatles - Rae Sremurred ft Gucci Mane
I don't know about this one. I shouldn't really like this at all, let alone as much as I do. Lyrically off topic & scatter shot, Rae Sremurred are still borderline incompetent rappers, Gucci Mane isn't too far off, and the beat is good, but it aint THAT good. But fuck, I'd be lying if I said I didn't totally dig this. Not much to say about this one. Everyone's gave it a pass, and I'm doing the same (Oh btw Set The Roof should have been the bigger song ffs)
5. Caroline - Amine
I. Don't. Fucking. Know. I really hate to do 2 of these type of entries in a row, but I just don't understand the appeal to this. The production is fucked, the lyrics range from absolutely adorable to infuriating enough to punch a wall, and this Amine dude sounds like Chance the Rapper if you swapped out the weed for antidepressants. It's all so fucking terrible. And I love it. Not even in the "so bad it's good" way like Don't Mind or something, like I genuinely love this. Fuck it man, who cares.
GREAT (5/5)
4. 24K Magic - Bruno Mars
After the modern masterpiece that was Uptown Funk, Bruno had a lot to live up to, and ho boy did he deliver. This is just awesome. It's like if New Jack Swing was tortured by synthesizers for 6 months. It's arrogant, braggadocios, cocky as all hell, but backed up with enough swagger and charisma to make it worth. Excellent track, and it's not even my favourite on his good at best album!
3. Broccoli - D.R.A.M ft Lil Yachty
Absolutely adorable. Dram bringing up shit like SEGA & sandwiches that are served on a square plate over this simplistic trap beat mixed with a very light happy piano that reminds me of a higher pitched version of the piano from 20 Dollar Nosebleed by Fall Out Boy (one of my favourite song of all time) is just wonderfully pleasent to the ears. I even like Lil Yachty's verse! Sure that Columbine line was a tad fucked up, but when he hits you with that "hey lil mama would you like to be my sunshine?" line before it, it completely softens the blow for me, and thus my heart swoons. One of the most fun songs of 2016, and that's gotta count for something, right?
2. Side To Side - Ariana Grande ft Nicki Minaj
I am still surprised how much I like this one, considering how fucking sick of the reggae trend I am at this point. But this song works wonders. People have complained how there isn't much going on in the production, and how Ariana's vocals aren't on point, and I get it, but that song doesn't need those 2 things. The sometimes off-key vocals & basic but clear production is supposed to outline how this song is and does survive on raw ego alone. Both Ari and Nicki are fucking filthy on this track, and they're screaming the most see-through innuendos loud and proud. But the difference between this and say Cake By The Ocean is simple. CBTO is gross & surprisingly bland. Sex on the beach aint new. But Ariana talking about getting fucked so hard she can't walk straight? And she got this to be played on the radio very often? I love it. I'm not gonna call it sexy or anything like some people say (nothing sexy about Nicki using a tricycle as a innuendo for threesome). But it works well for what it wants to be: a vile dirty song that's still catchy as fuck.
1. Love On The Brain - Rihanna
I usually don't like songs like these, let alone to the extent of making it my favourite song in the top 20. But this isn't lower standards like most of 2016. I fucking adore everything about this. The massive amount of swing and buildup the song has, the structured and very ballad-like production, and especially how the beautiful synth and soft guitar play off each other incredibly well on the explosive chorus. But what sells me on this song the most is Rihanna's performance. It's so...flawed. But that's what makes me love it. I've never been a huge fan of ballads if I'm being honest, and I finally realized why when I listened to this song. It's never been the slow tempo, the minimal production, but the singer themselves. Artists like Adele just belt these notes and hit them so forcefully is impressive sure, VERY impressive. But it gets dry to me, I lose interest very quickly. But to hear Rihanna hit maybe 3/5ths of the notes she's going for at most, and how she subtly keeps slipping into her accent adds so much flavour into the song for me. Those "ow ow ow owwwwwwwww"s are brilliant, and that pre-chorus is what goddamn dreams are made of. It's so fucking raw, passionate, and yet still bright and catchy. I can't get enough of it. Not necessarily the best single she's ever released (Pon De Replay holds the crown for what will probably be her entire career), but this is definitely up there.
So, that's the top 20. It's...alright. 46/100 isn't bad, especially when the worst songs are 2016 leftovers/songs that are already fading. I'm actually for your music 2017, don't fucking disappoint me.
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